Back in 2012, when our Oldest literally went ‘viral’ in her rebellion, the heart of this Mother fell into a ‘deep depression.’ And to be honest, I do not think I have ever ‘recovered from’ it, even to this day. Just today, I found my little notebook that I would ‘feverishly write in’ that year whenever I had some free time at work. It helped so much to write scripture, quotes, and sayings that pertained to what I was going through.
This whole heartbreaking process has been more than a journey; it has been a life-altering experience, to put it mildly. For those who may be going through the same or something similar, I thought I would share my notes in a series of articles to hopefully be a comfort or some type of help in a time of such emotional need. Throughout this process, I found God’s Word to be a type of a ‘healing balm’ to my soul, so here goes my friends.
(This piece is mostly scripture from the NIV that I read at the time that I felt pertained to what I was going through. Just ‘rewriting’ by typing this all out reminds me of those ‘rough first years’ and ministers to me all over again. Hope this can help someone in some way too.)
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Page 16
Fear
Father, how grateful I am for Your awesome love for me. You know my fears & offer me Your peace. Thank You for helping me overcome the things of which I am afraid. Please reveal the origin of my fears so that they can be removed completely.
I recognize that I am facing a faith battle today. Therefore, Lord, please continue to give me strength & encourage me w/Your Word. Teach me who You are so I can stand strong against these fears & declare in faith, “My God is wiser, more loving, & more powerful than any problem I will ever face!”
Day by day, please help me to place my focus on Your faithful character & unfailing principles so that I can be a person of courage & conviction. Thank You, Father, for helping me lay down my fears on the basis of who You are & what You have promised me.
I do not have to be afraid because You are always w/me, You are my God, & You will strengthen & uphold me w/Your righteous right hand. Truly, You are worthy of all honor, glory, power, & praise! My soul rests in You, Father. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. -In Touch
Page 17
Guilt
Father, how grateful I am that You free me from false guilt & love me unconditionally. What a wonderful, comforting assurance that because of the substitutionary death of Christ on the cross, I can never lose my relationship w/You or Your love for me.
Thank You for being faithful to forgive my sins & for cleansing me of my unrighteousness as I confess my transgressions to You. When I feel false guilt, Lord, please help me to understand its cause so that it can be removed.
Help me to know immediately when I have strayed from Your will & turn me back to the path You have for me. Today, I choose to believe in Your full forgiveness, despite what I may feel.
Help me to accept any consequences of my rebellion against You w/grace & understanding. Father, I know You can work all things for good for those who love You & are called according to Your purpose.
Therefore, please help me learn from my mistakes & work through me to warn others of the dangers of sin. Please make me an instrument of Your peace so that others will be drawn to Jesus as their Savior. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. -In Touch
Page 18
Anxiety
Father, how grateful I am that You will not allow me to remain in bondage. Thank You for bringing my anxieties to light so that I can be free of them. I praise You for Your kindness to me & for the patience w/which You heal my wounds.
Lord, this anxiety deeply consumes me & dominates my thoughts, so I bring it to You. I cannot break free of this apprehension on my own. I commit this to Your loving care & faithful stewardship, knowing You have never let me down & never will.
Thank You for understanding my situation & for caring enough to help me. I am grateful for Your unconditional love, Your promise to provide for me, & the wisdom & strength necessary to break free of this bondage.
Father, I acknowledge I am facing a faith battle. Therefore, I declare once & for all that I believe You can deliver me from this anxiety & that You are bigger, stronger, & more powerful than any problem I will ever face.
Lord, I give this situation to You & trust that You will always do what is absolutely best for me. Thank You for giving me the peace that passes all understanding. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. -In Touch
Page 19
“Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you” (Nehemiah 9:5-6).
If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:19-24).
Page 20
I say to the Lord, “You are my God.” Hear, Lord, my cry for mercy. Sovereign Lord, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle. Do not grant the wicked their desires, Lord; do not let their plans succeed. Those who surround me proudly rear their heads; may the mischief of their lips engulf them. May burning coals fall on them; may they be thrown into the fire, into the miry pits, never to rise. May slanderers not be established in the land; may disaster hunt down the violent. I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy. Surely the righteous will praise your name, and the upright will live in your presence” (Psalm 140:6-13).
“The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails.
“Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
“For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant” (Psalm 143:3-12).
Page 21
“There are six things the Lord hates; seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies,
and a person who stirs up dissension in the community” (Proverbs 6:16-19).
“Now then, my children, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not disregard it. Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For those who find me find life and receive favor from the Lord. But those who fail to find me harm themselves; all who hate me love death” (Proverbs 8:32-36).
“For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery and wrongdoing. In my faithfulness I will reward my people and make an everlasting covenant with them” (Isaiah 61:8).
“Give thanks to the Lord Almighty, for the Lord is good; his love endures forever” (Jeremiah 33:11).
Page 22
“This is what the Lord says: Your wound is incurable, your injury beyond healing. There is no one to plead your cause, no remedy for your sore, no healing for you. All your allies have forgotten you; they care nothing for you. I have struck you as an enemy would and punished you as would the cruel, because your guilt is so great and your sins so many. Why do you cry out over your wound, your pain that has no cure? Because of your great guilt and many sins I have done these things to you. But all who devour you will be devoured; all your enemies will go into exile. Those who plunder you will be plundered; all who make spoil of you I will despoil. But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord, because you are called an outcast” (Jer. 30:12-17).
“Lord, you have seen the wrong done to me. Uphold my cause! You have seen the depth of their vengeance, all their plots against me. Lord, you have heard their insults, all their plots against me – What my enemies whisper and mutter against me all day long. Look at them! Sitting or standing, they mock me in their songs. Pay them back what they deserve, Lord, for what their hands have done. Put a veil over their hearts, and may your curse be on them! Pursue them in anger and destroy them from under the heavens of the Lord” (Lam. 3:59-66).
Page 23
“For everyone belongs to me, the parent as well as the child – both alike belong to me. The one who sins is the one who will die” (Ezekiel 18:4).
“Therefore, house of Israel, I will judge each of you according to your own ways, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall. Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, house of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live! (Ezekiel 18:30-32).
“Now your impurity is lewdness. Because I tried to cleanse you but you would not be cleansed from your impurity, you will not be clean again until my wrath against you has subsided. I the Lord have spoken. The time has come for me to act. I will not hold back; I will not have pity, nor will I relent. You will be judged according to your conduct and your actions, declares the Sovereign Lord” (Ezekiel 24:13-14).
Page 24
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:4-8).
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor. 13:13).
“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God – I say to your shame” (1 Corinthians 15:33-34).
“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain” (1 Cor. 15:58).
Page 25
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor. 4:16-18).
“Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that everyone may receive what is due them for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad” (2 Cor. 5:6-10).
Page 26
“I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.’ Therefore, ‘Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.’ And, ‘I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty” (2 Cor. 6:16-18).
“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; idolatry, and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissentions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control” (Gal. 5:19-23).
Page 27
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. People reap what they sow. Those who sow to please their sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; those who sow to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Gal. 6:7-10).
“Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed” (Psalm 103:1-6).
Page 28
“But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children – with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts” (Psalm 103:17-18).
“They encourage each other in evil plans, they talk about hiding their snares; they say, ‘Who will see it?’ They plot injustice and say, ‘We have devised a perfect plan!’ Surely the human mind and heart are cunning. But God will shoot them with his arrows; they will suddenly be struck down. He will turn their own tongues against them and bring them to ruin; all who see them will shake their heads in scorn. All people will fear; they will proclaim the works of God and ponder what he has done. The righteous will rejoice in the Lord and take refuge in him; and the upright in heart will glory in him!” (Psalm 64:5-10).
Page 29
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash” (Matt. 7:24-27).
“You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Good people bring good things out of the good stored up in them, and evil people bring evil things out of the evil stored up in them. But I tell you that people will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt. 12:34-37).
Page 30
“So, as the Holy Spirit says: ‘Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness, where your ancestors tested and tried me, though for forty years they saw what I did. That is why I was angry with that generation; I said, ‘Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.’ So I declared on oath in my anger, ‘They shall never enter my rest'” (Hebrews 3:7-11).
“He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much” (Luke 16:10).
“(Tell) to the generations to come the praises of the Lord, and His strength and His wonderful works that He has done” (Psalm 78:4).
“Be strong, do not fear! Behold your God will come” (Isaiah 35:4).
“Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious” (1 Peter 2:4).
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Looking back on my notes, I remember this as a time when I could not bring myself to pray for my enemies, and if I did pray for them, it was as the prayers of King David asking God to bring ‘swift justice’ upon them! Now I realize this scripture to be true for me in my life (Psalm 119:71 “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.”) Like I said at the beginning, this process has been more than a journey; it has been a life-altering experience in growing in Grace through immense internal suffering.
My next article will contain my notes from pages 31 and on until I finish sharing the contents of my notebook. My prayer is that this may help someone in a time of emotional need like it did me. In Jesus Christ’s Name, Amen.
Finally, an excerpt that spoke to me from the ‘Prince of Preachers’ notes that I read recently during our Bible Study that I would like to share as well.
KJV Charles Spurgeon Study Bible Notes:
1 Samuel 30:6 “And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.”
Study Notes Excerpt:
If there is anything in this world for which I would bless him more than for anything else, it is for pain and affliction. I am sure that in these things the richest, most tender love has been manifested toward me. Love letters from heaven are often sent in black-edged envelopes. The cloud that is black with horror is big with mercy. – Charles Spurgeon
Until next time… Maranatha!
JESUS = THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE!
Jesus Will Come!