The Heartbreak of Dealing with Fallen-Away Children :: By Geri Ungurean

Of all the battles that we as born-again believers fight in this world – I truly believe that knowing how to interact with our grown “Fallen-away” children has to be the toughest.


My Facebook page is filled with Christian and Conservative content. When I write new articles on my Word Press, I post them to the page. When I’m inspired by something I have read, it gets posted to my page as well.

Also, when brothers and sisters in Christ need prayer, I will post prayer requests for them. I am very blessed to have so many prayer warriors as Facebook friends. I’ve told my husband that I see these people as an “online” church. It really is wonderful.

But it’s not so wonderful for my fallen-away children. The hurtful words flung at me because I talk so much about Jesus and also my Conservative views came to a head about a year ago. I was walking on eggshells every time I posted anything about my faith in Jesus or about politics.

I remember my parents saying to stay away from “religion” and politics when conversing with family. Many people say that. But is it fair for family members to dictate to us what we can and cannot share?

Setting Boundaries

About a year ago, I decided to make a “Family only” FB page. Our children were very open to this. Also, I blocked all of them from my main page – not to be mean, but I did not want them to be able to see my page. Blocking is the only way I knew that they would be shielded from my posts and my articles.

This has gone well, but one of our sons would still go to my Word Press and write emails to me about how wrong I was in my thinking. Now THAT really made me mad. I told our son that nobody was forcing him to view my Word Press; and if he didn’t like it – DON’T go there!

I did set rules for our home. In as loving a manner as I could, I told our children that we pray before meals and we will not tolerate hateful talk about Jesus. Our house – our rules.

If the rules are broken, and someone brings up Jesus in a derogatory manner, I figure that they have opened that door. That open door allows me to talk of my love for Jesus and that if they stay in their fallen-away state – that they will see Him one day; but I remind them of His words:

“But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 10:33).

They will act as if that does not bother them, but only God knows what is happening in their hearts. They were brought up to love Jesus and to know this:

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

Each of our 3 children had come to me at different times in their early teens and expressed their desire to know that they were going to heaven. After talking with them to make sure that they fully understood the Gospel, I led each one to the throne of God. Each of these precious times were right after we had watched “The Jesus Film” which has an invitation to come to Christ at the end.

Preaching at the Table

The worst times with our children were when I felt that I should use our gathering together as a time of “preaching” at them. I was told by a brother in Christ that this way of acting could be more damaging than fruitful.

I was so glad to receive that correction from the brother. Our times together during holidays and just visits were so much better when I stopped preaching. It was no longer a battleground of words. It was a family loving one another.


A reader of my articles wrote an email to me recently. She is a true sister in Christ. She poured out her heart about her daughter. They had angry words, and my sister was still upset with her.

My friend knows that I deal with this scenario, and asked me what she should do. I told her that the most important thing of all in dealing with unsaved children is to LOVE them, no matter what. I don’t mean to agree with their words, but there is a way to change the subject to something about them and the grandkids, for instance.

How can they stay angry when you are lovingly inquiring about their family?

I am not saying that we should just listen to hateful words about our Lord without responding. We always need to defend our beliefs. What I am saying is that we should pray for our children daily that God would be drawing them back as only He can.

But showing them that we love them and care about them deeply is so important.

The Fruit

Since the change in our relationships, I’ve noticed some really wonderful things. Our daughter will say to me, “I’m praying for you, mom.” Our oldest son is a classical guitar player. He and his family live 3,000 miles from us. We Skype often so that we can see the grandkids. For the last 2 Christmases, he has played “Silent Night” on his guitar. That made my heart rejoice.

Pray Pray Pray

Never stop praying for your fallen-away children! NEVER.

Although we cannot know if they will return to their First Love, God is able to reach them once again. My prayer to God is always, “Father, whatever You need to do to bring them back – please do it!”

I am not a young woman, and some of my health issues are pretty serious. I often wonder how the children will react when I’m gone. Will they picture me in heaven with our Lord?

I pray that they will, and I pray that the Lord uses that to draw them back to Him.

How Can I Be Saved?

Shalom b’Yeshua