Genesis 1:27, 2:24; Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Matthew 19:1-10: Mark 10:1-12
Summary: Jesus taught that marriage is a sacred and serious undertaking by any man and woman who want to unite as one under the protection and direction of the LORD. We tend to make it less than God’s ideal for us.
What I am about to present is the product of a message I gave before a group of men and women during a chapel service at a rescue mission in northeastern Oklahoma. The topic of marriage was not on their list of favorites.
Several of them had left abusive and toxic relationships with spouses or significant others. Some had been the victims of physical and emotional abuse. A few women had their children with them in the audience because their father, stepfather, or latest boyfriend decided that these little ones had become “punching bags” or victims of perversions. Both sexes stood for lives destroyed by alcohol, drugs, or instability of some kind, and as a result were now amid other sufferers who had made wrecks of themselves in one way or another.
The common bond of all these heartbreaking situations was that few had heard of Jesus or what He taught about real marriage. God, in His Sovereignty, brought these lost souls to a place where they needed to know that even if no one else loved or cared for them, He did and was ready to make all things new if they would come to Him for salvation and rest from the burdens of life (Matthew 11:28-30).
Problems in relationships are not exclusive to economics, status, ethnicity, race, education, or even with couples and individuals who claim to be religious or “spiritual,” the preferred term in social circles these days. The sad fact is that even professing Christians who are devout followers of Jesus and His Word are entering courtrooms to sign papers that end a marital bond that all too often puts the children in the middle of the conflict as to who gets custody, visitation rights, and are unwilling participants in the game of “favorite parent.”
My parents divorced decades ago and are both gone. By the grace of God, they both got remarried to the individuals whom I considered my other parents, so it worked out all right, but that scene is all too rare. The very idea of a family has become a conglomeration of whatever people decide to do concerning being together. It is often a mockery of the sacred foundation of what God intended.
Divorce is as common as green grass in spring, seen by some as a perverse right of passage, chalking up wrecked relationships as a part of life’s process and moving on, no matter if the offended party sheds tears of sorrow or regret as the other walks away. Deep down, we know better, but refuse to look at the original guide to a successful and loving marriage created by the LORD and taught by the Lord Jesus.
I have the right to discuss the seriousness and success of marriage, not because I am a minister of the Gospel and have performed weddings for friends, relatives, and even some couples who had purchased their rings from me when I worked for a major retail jeweler years ago as a sales associate. That was a ministry and a subject for another time, but I have been married for forty-three years to my first and only girlfriend, whom I met while we were college students in the 1980’s.
I met her on February 22, 1982. I asked her to marry me six weeks later. We wed in August of 1983, had three children along the way (one of whom is in heaven), held several jobs, traveled, survived a major hurricane, and went through rough times that tested us to our limits. The issue of divorce was brought up a couple of times, but we remembered the vows we took and got everything back in line. We are now both dealing with varied health issues but have broken down together and know where each other’s medicine is in case of an emergency. We finish each other’s sentences mainly because I cannot hear all that well, and I can figure out what she is going to say anyway. We are both a couple and a team.
I need to let you know that our spiritual maturity and growth did not always play a role in how we approached some problems and decisions, so I do not even come close to being “Mr. Spiritual” in that regard, and I want to be honest with you as I proceed. I will say that God’s love, patience, and reprimands have helped us both, and we regret missed times of prayer and consultation with Him that could have saved us a lot of trouble.
Both successful and failed relationships have never taken the LORD by surprise or caught Him unaware. He created us and has our lives in His hands (Psalm 139:1-16). He does not need our advice on how to run things (Job 38:1-41, 40:1-14).
In Matthew 19:1-10 and Mark 10:1-12, we find Jesus and His disciples in the region across the Jordan River east of Judea. He is instructing the people when His adversaries, the Pharisees, show up, not to learn but instead to challenge Jesus in never-ending arguments and bickering about the Law and traditions. He is aware of their intentions but tells them to stay, as He teaches them and the crowd a valuable lesson concerning marriage and divorce.
He starts the lesson by hearing the question from the Pharisees on whether a man can divorce his wife or not. They should know the answer but instead see an opportunity to put the Lord Jesus in an inconvenient situation, or so they thought. The Pharisees approached the topic of divorce based on two schools of rabbinical thought set up prior to the first century by two noted teachers, Shammai and Hillel. Each of these rabbis had differing views on reasons to issue a warrant of divorce.
Shammai was the stricter and more biblical of the two. He taught that divorce was allowed only on the grounds of marital infidelity, or adultery, based on the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:14; Deuteronomy 5:18). There was no middle ground or discussion of compromise. What the Scriptures taught was to be obeyed.
But do people, even “God’s chosen,” choose to obey the Word of God in their own strength, or do they want exceptions and “loopholes”? What do you think?
Be real – of course you would. You would then favor the interpretations of Rabbi Hillel, who was an active teacher for decades before and after the birth of Jesus, dying in 10 A.D. He was what we would refer to as “liberal” and more sympathetic to human nature. He agreed with Shammai that adultery was grounds for divorce as taught in the Scriptures, but he also taught that there could be other reasons, such as not cooking a proper kosher meal, or burning the food, or displeasing the husband, no matter the reason. This view was more popular from the view of the men, but women ended up “shafted” no matter what happened.
Jesus did not subscribe to either interpretation. He went exclusively to the Scriptures, the final authority on all matters. He asked them what Moses had said on the subject (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). They replied by saying that a divorce certificate was to be given to the woman and that if the man had to go through all that trouble in the first place, whatever offense had occurred would have already been settled. Calm heads and tender hearts prevailed.
Jesus gave legal rights to women by telling the Pharisees that they should receive the complaint in writing and not by word of mouth, where she had no legal standing in that day. In other words, our LORD was the One who started the need to get everything in writing when it came to affairs of the law. He knew that there was coming a time when a handshake would not suffice, as the days would grow more wicked, and verbal deals would be as valid as a return ticket on the TITANIC. The real issue is the value that Jesus placed on marriage.
Marriage is a divinely created institution between one man and one woman, no exception (Genesis 1:27, 2:24, 5:2). It is based on a love that looks out for the welfare and benefit of one another. It is an act of commitment, with the plan and idea to stay together through good and trying times.
When we lost our daughter at birth years ago, we each thought the other would ask for a divorce due to the emotional trauma and sorrow of the situation. We stuck it out and ended up as the facilitators of a ministry that helped families who had experienced the same thing and needed healing in all areas of their lives. It also helped me as a chaplain in providing pastoral care to couples who lost their babies at birth while in the hospital or were in the Neo-Natal ICU dealing with varied difficulties.
Marriage is an act of responsibility where you vow to love and cherish each other until death. This vow is often overlooked or ignored today by couples of every age. It is part of a series of the signs of the growing loveless attitude Jesus taught would happen before His return (Matthew 24:10-12; 1Timothy 5:12).
Too many modern “marriages” have been based on foundations of lust, not love. One popular rock group years ago performed a song with a lyric saying, “I couldn’t stand to be away, just for a day, from your body.” One band sang about a lady built like a “brick house.” There are songs about women and men being “smoking hot” or “fine,” and in the ancient days of disco, dance songs had lyrics about women and men wanting to be “taken home.” Those lyrics did not mean escorting them to the door and telling them good night, either.
Now, there is nothing wrong with being pretty, handsome, well-groomed, or dressed, but those are not in any way, shape, or form grounds for real marriage. Do not look to the entertainment world as a model for fidelity or matrimony. Those folks tend to go through relationships as quickly as changing clothing, when they decide to wear clothes.
We read of second and third marriages ending up in flames because of lust or materialism. Few marriages of this sort last or succeed. Such is the end of any situation not founded on the standards of the Bible and the holiness of the LORD. When adultery does happen, then divorce is allowed, but it is a better thing to try to reconcile and work through the difficulties. It says something to other couples when the offended spouse decides to work it out over time with the other through counseling and the support of groups that specialize in marital reconciliation and strengthening, preferably through a local Bible-believing church.
It takes time for wounds to heal and trust to be regained, but it can be done and seen as a testimony that a failure in marriage does not mean a finality to the relationship.
I had a friend in the ministry whose spouse had an affair. Through counseling and time, along with prayer and forgiveness, they now have a strong marriage and a ministry to young couples at the church we attended. Jesus Christ can break the hardest hearts and put the pieces of a broken family back together. He has done so in many ways and times with the most dysfunctional of couples.
For the safety of the offended spouse and children, occasions arise where they need to get out of the relationship and end it. This is especially true in cases of physical, emotional, and especially sexual abuse, without excuses or exceptions. No woman or child is to be a doormat or target for a violent or abusive spouse. Submission in marriage never means being willing to be pummeled by some brainless ape who thinks his machismo is measured by chest hair or chauvinist ideology. (Note: There are women who are just as abusive as men.)
God more than understands when you must get away for your own safety. He will avenge you for the wrongs committed. That is a Biblical worst-case scenario for anyone who thinks they can outsmart or hide their evil nature from the Sovereign LORD of all Creation.
Marriage as we know it will not be part of the new creation. Relationships will be so much better, purer, holier, and righteous that marriage will not be needed. We will have the perfect marriage of the Lord Jesus and His Bride, the remnant church in eternity, united in love, trust, adoration, respect, and reverence. The true children of the LORD will be with Him. This will occur when He returns in glory, as presented in Scripture.
If you are not already a part of the bride of Christ, someone who has repented of their sins and surrendered their life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ (John 14:6; Romans 10:9-10; 2 Corinthians 5:10; Philippians 2:9-11), then take care of that NOW (2 Corinthians 6:2). Your groom is ready at the altar, and the feast is prepared.
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