The Top 15 Reasons to Invest Now!
- The IRS will never tax this investment!
- The IRS will never be able to audit this investment!
- The IRS can’t seize this investment if you owe taxes!
- This investment has a rate of return that will last into perpetuity!
- The rate of return is so great that it can’t be measured by GAAP accounting rules or any other conventional financial calculations!
- This investment will not cost you anything!
- This investment can even make poor people rich overnight!
- This investment involves a large inheritance!
- This investment is simple to understand! No CPA, attorney, or financial planner is necessary.
- This investment is based on a verbal agreement! No contracts!
- This investment includes an added benefit – a free mansion!
- The smartest investors in the world are not aware of this unique investment!
- This investment will erase most of your worries in life, and it will even set you up so that you can party and have lots of fun with your other family, friends, and neighbors who also make this investment!
- This investment will even give you love!
- This investment has a time limit. If you don’t apply in time, then you will lose all the benefits forever!
Wow!!! Where do I find this ultimate investment? How can I sign up?
It’s really easy! Just make a call to God. What? You mean God has a phone number? Well, yes and no. He has no number but you still need to press something four times to complete your call.
Press your forehead and say, “in the name of the Father,” then press your heart and say, “and the Son,” and then press your left shoulder, then your right shoulder and say, “and the Holy Spirit Amen.” Now the line of communication is open. Boy I’m sure glad that AT&T, Verizon, Sprint, T-Mobile, etc… haven’t found a way to bill us for this intergalactic long-distance communication. The call to God is free!
(O.K. You have permission to laugh inside).
Anyway, this is how Catholics open the communication to God. But for everyone else, all you need to do is bow your head and directly communicate with God. He will hear you.
Like the article said, this investment is based on a simple verbal agreement. All you need to say, and really mean it, is the following:
Dear God. I know I’m a sinner and I am deeply sorry for my past sins. Please forgive me. Thank you for giving me a chance to receive Eternal Life through Jesus Christ. I accept his sacrifice on the cross, and I’d like to join your eternal family. I love you, God. I also love my Lord Jesus. Please fill me with the Holy Spirit to help me with the struggles I face on this Earth. I will try to learn more about your word in the Bible and be a good example to others. Thank you! I pray this prayer in the name of Jesus.
That’s it! See how easy that was? After this, you will instantly receive all the benefits listed above, which is to be a child of God with Eternal Life.
Oh yes – you’re probably wondering about that mansion that this article mentioned. Jesus said this in John 14:2-3:
“In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.”
To be honest I’m not sure what this so-called mansion will be like. Perhaps it will be the glory of being in the presence of God, perhaps Jesus was referring to the future New Jerusalem that will be orbiting the Earth, or maybe we’ll be given an entire planet somewhere in the universe with the ability to go anywhere in under one second. I simply don’t know. But whatever this mansion will be like, one thing is for sure; It will be better than anything this Earth can offer.
The Bible also says: “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).
I’m currently a Professor of Economics at a California community college, and I spent 30 years in the private banking industry dealing with very wealthy Silicon Valley clients. After spending a lifetime studying various earthly investments, I have concluded that you would have to be an absolute fool not to accept the Ultimate Investment, which is actually a free gift from God. All you need to do is be humble, make the verbal agreement, and then the deal between you and God will be signed, sealed, and delivered for eternity.
I hope you appreciated the humor in this article. But I also hope you understand the gravity of this issue and how important your decision will be on where you will spend eternity.