Hello God, my name is Donnie. You actually know everything about me already. In all seriousness, you know me better than I know myself. As far as I can remember I have always known you exist. Now we both know I have not always been a Christ follower but I did have a level of respect and admiration for you. I quite honestly can’t figure out how and why I did.
I have lived a life of sin God, and I guess I must admit part of me enjoyed it. Logically I agree with you Lord on your stance of sin and evil being completely wrong. But see God, I have an evil nature that I cannot get rid of. You came to me with amazing intentions filled with love and hope Lord. I confess I didn’t start following you because of who you are, but what you could do for me.
I guess Lord, I am phony. You have unlocked the Word of God to me. You have revealed Truth in a world that has become saturated in lies. You have done the impossible, which is in a way a huge miracle in itself. God we both know I have nothing to offer you. In all these years of our journey, I feel like I am back at square one, maybe even worse. Why do you love me God? What is there to love about me? I am huge failure, Lord
What’s even more disheartening is that I have become extremely aware of the enemy. You have revealed to me that—the dark side—has been feasting away on me. What also has come to my attention is that being a Christian is way harder than it ever has been in years past. The enemy has had years of practice on us—not so intelligent humans.
Lord, some Christians are getting are butts kicked really badly down here. The enemy is manhandling us like rag dolls, and today is the day that I finally realized I am in way over my head. What I mean Lord is we need your gift of a renewed strength like you promised us. We need your protection God; it’s getting really bad here in the trenches.
Honestly God, I am questioning my ability to hold on to the faith. It’s so amazing the gift you want us to receive—but I can’t outsmart, outperform, or out strength the enemy and has become very obvious to me that—I am—his bull’s-eye.
God, once you invited us in we became the targets, and the more I try and push forward toward you, the harder it becomes. Sometimes Lord, I do question your goodness. Sometimes I question this entire plan of yours God.
It’s hard for me to have your perspective, Lord when you have physically separated yourself from us for the time being. God I confess that sometimes I just want to scream and say, all you have given us is a book? We have an evil nature Lord and we have an enemy who hates us. Sometimes I feel like the loneliest Christian recognizing this. Lord, am I the only person who feels like victory is just unattainable?
I guess God, I am pleading with you to please help us. I can’t live on the crutch of your “imminent” return forever. I have to live this life—it’s your command! This entire scenario of God and creation has the ability to drive a man insane. The truth is Lord; I am just a pile of dirt. But you have given this pile of dirt the ability think and reason; the ability to have emotions and desires to have pain and suffering. Lord you have made us into something so special and unique.
I might very well be speaking when I should be silent, but I just can’t hold my tongue any longer Lord. You are God and I am dust, but this dust needs your help! Please God remember that some of us are trying even though we always fail. Please just remember your grace, mercy, and love for us because we need it badly!
Donnie (The guy with the foot in his mouth.)
P.S. King Jesus, I want you to know that I am excited to have met You, and thanks for putting up with me for so long!