A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application.

The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.

“I must say,” says the executive, “your work history is terrible. You’ve been fired from every job.”

“Yes,” says the man.

“Well,” continues the executive, “there’s not much positive in that.”

“Hey!” says the guy as he pokes the application. “At least I’m not a quitter.”

A burglar enters a home and is greeted by “Jesus is watching!”

He shines his flashlight around and finds no one.

He takes another step to hear “Jesus is watching you.”

This time he shines the light to discover a parrot.

He asks, “Was that you talking ?”

The parrot answers “Yes.”

The burglar asks, “What is your name?”

The parrot replies, “Clarence.”

The burglar asks, “What idiot named you Clarence?”

The parrot replies, “The same idiot that named the Doberman Jesus.”