FAQ :: My boyfriend has been violent towards me in the past. If he promises to change, is it okay if I still marry him?

God has a very specific plan for your life. Before you do anything, you need to seek His will. Marriage is a difficult and serious decision, even when all circumstances seem to be perfect.

When you add an issue like violence to the situation, the decision becomes much more difficult.

You need to examine your motives for marriage. A marital covenant should never be entered into for reasons like loneliness, insecurity, fear of the future, or even a desire for children. The only two things that should motivate a marriage are love for your prospective spouse and confidence that the marriage is God’s will. If either of those two things is absent, run from the marriage! That would be my advice even without the abuse issue.

The violence needs to be addressed. During a dating relationship, most people are on their best behavior. A man who cannot control his temper when he would be most likely to, will not be able to in the future. The Bible has a lot to say about people whose tempers are out of control. “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil” (Psa. 37:8). “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control” (Prov. 29:11). “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins” (Prov. 29:22).

You need to ask yourself several questions and be willing to answer them honestly. Is your boyfriend committed to a relationship with Jesus Christ? Does that relationship manifest itself in his daily life? Has he faced his actions with willingness to get help? Do you truly feel that it is God’s will for this marriage to take place? Do you believe that God can meet all of your needs and fill the role of loving companion in your life?

I think that the honest answers you give to these questions will make it very clear which path you should take. I pray that the Lord guides you and keeps you as you seek His will.