Dear Leslie, Frank, And Everyone Else

lettersYou’re probably watching the tube or listening to the radio spewing out the news: millions, perhaps billions of people have abruptly vanished. Sirens are screaming as remaining police, firefighters, and EMS personnel respond to the crashes of cars, trucks, planes, automobiles and trains because the drivers and pilots have vanished, leaving these uncontrolled juggernauts running wild and crashing.

(This just to Leslie & Frank): Phoenix is probably bedlam at this point–plane crashes at or around Sky Harbor International Airport have probably plunged a lot of the city into flames. Semi-trucks loaded with Haz-Mat have wrecked and the tanks have ruptured and their cargoes ignited. Also , I bet a lot of fires started by unattended industrial and kitchen equipment have undoubtedly sparked quite a few Towering Infernos.

Remaining firefighters and police are swamped. You might want to try and leave the city. You know where I live. Head for Show Low. SammyCat and Tracker will need someone to take care of and love them. Please get up here fast. The cat and dog food is in the kitchen, in the floor cupboards next to the sink.

In the living room is my small Magnavox TV with several VHS tapes stacked on top and the remote control unit right next to it on the right side as you’re facing it. Also there are some four-color brochures THE TRIBULATION MAP. View the videos and read the brochure. They will explain what has happened. Feel free to help yourselves to my things. I don’t need them anymore. There are tools and things in the metal shed that may be of help, too. Ditto the back add-on there’s my bike and a few other things you might be able to use.

(Back to everybody.)
Okay, I bet CNN and the rest of the talking-heads have come up with something like this: ‘NASA has confirmed that a very large UFO(or perhaps a fleet of them)has been orbiting our planet, cloaked by highly-advanced Stealth technology.

NASA has managed to contact the alien starships and have been advised by the aliens that they have come to guide us through our next evolutionary stage–a spiritual one. To prevent these divisive, contentious Christians who insist that Jesus is the only way from disrupting the harmonic flow of these good vibrations, they have all been beamed up(remember Star Trek?)to the ship(s)and will be taken to Starbase Deep Space Nine and a half via the good Starship Lollipop.

Well, don’t believe it. We’ve been ‘beamed up’, all right. But by God Himself. What happens next is a real smooth–talking charismatic fellow emerged and soon takes control of the whole world. That dude is the Antichrist, and whatever you do, DON’T BELIEVE A WORD OF WHAT HE SAYS! AND ABOVE ALL, DON’T LET HIM CON OR SCARE YOU INTO TAKING HIS ‘SPECIAL ID’, A BARCODE MARK LASER-TATTOOED OR A MICROCHIP INJECTED INTO YOUR HAD OR FOREHEAD! IF YOU TAKE HIS MARK, YOU WILL DOOMED TO HELL FOREVER!

I guess that’s all.