Breakdown of the Christian Family :: By Candy Austin

Excerpts from GotQuestions.org: “Role of the Husband and Wife in a Family”

Although males and females are equal in relationship to Christ, the Scriptures give specific roles to each in marriage. The husband is to assume leadership in the home (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23).

Wives are to submit to the authority of their husbands. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”

In regard to the division of responsibilities in the home, the Bible instructs husbands to provide for their families. This means he works and makes enough money to sufficiently provide all the necessities of life for his wife and children. To fail to do so has definite spiritual consequences. – source

Reflecting over the unfortunate breakdown in our family, we have come to several conclusions that clearly point to the cause of spiritual and societal failure. Spiritual in the fact that many men do not step into their Biblically defined roles as outlined by GOD in these Last Days – roles outlined such as Spiritual Leader, Disciplinarian and Provider. One of the main reasons so many men are so ill-equipped to lead their families in these areas directly relates to the moral breakdown in our society.

Biblical standards have been eroded consistently throughout our educational, political, economic, and even religious arenas for decades now. With the skyrocketing divorce rates, overwhelmingly high number of single-parent households, and the marked lack of leadership of godly men in the home, it is no wonder so many men do not have the knowledge or family life experience to fill their GOD-ordained roles.

Excerpts from Huffpost.com: “Breakdown of the Traditional Family: Why Conservative Christians Should Rethink Their Blame Game”

Where once the institution of marriage gave legitimacy to sexual relations and children, it no longer serves as much of a gatekeeper. This can largely be attributed to the sexual revolution, which paved the way for sex outside of marriage; the feminist movement, which pushed to legalize abortion, thereby making pregnancy a woman’s “problem” to deal with as she sees fit; and the decreased role of religion in American life. Consequently, nearly 40 percent of all U.S. children are now born out of wedlock. Since 1974, about 1 million children per year have seen their parents divorce – and children who are exposed to divorce are two to three times more likely than their peers in intact marriages to suffer from serious social or psychological pathologies. – source

Here is a testimony from our family life experience:

My husband was unfortunately one of these statistics. His parents divorced when he was 10 years old and by having little to no male role model in his life from then on, it left him rather ill-equipped to fill his ordained roles by the time we got married. On the flip side, I was also lacking in my knowledge as to what our biblically defined roles were to be, due to my also highly dysfunctional upbringing and similar lack of study of GOD’S WORD.

Therefore, when our children came along and the need for spiritual leadership was not there, I took it upon myself to step into that role, unknowingly usurping my husband’s place in our family by stepping into shoes that I was never supposed to fill. Unfortunately, my husband was not much of a disciplinarian either, so most of that responsibility I wrongfully heaped up upon my shoulders too.

To my husband’s credit, he has always been a wonderful provider, and GOD gave him the ability to give us and our children a blessed life materially and monetarily that neither one of us had in our childhood growing up. Still, the deficit in the proper familial roles that should have been taken had a profound impact on our children. It affected them in how they viewed authority, how they perceived family hierarchy, and apparently on their respect for what GOD’S WORD says about how the family unit should function.

This is exactly why society needs to get back to the study of GOD’S WORD. We should learn what HE has to say about any and all topics before embarking on anything that relates to our lives because, after all, HE is the creator and sustainer of it all. Looking back now, my husband regrettably admits that if it were not for me stepping into the spiritual leader role for our family, then our children may not have known much about the things of GOD, read the Bible, and/or even stepped inside of a church. Again, my husband did not have any example of what godly leadership within the family looked like.

Therefore, I do not regret introducing our children to the LORD. What I do regret is the usurping of much of my husband’s authority, which more of it should have been left for him to navigate and take on. One issue was in my being afraid of getting abused, so I decided that I would not be a ‘weak woman’ and became a sort of feminist. Even though now I do not agree with feminism because I have come to learn that it is anti-biblical. Admittedly, I did take on many ‘feminist tendencies’, such as being a tough woman, not allowing men to rule over me, thinking that women were smarter and/or better, usurping my husband’s authority, and the like.

Excerpts from HelloChristian.com:6 Reasons Why Christians Should Reject Feminism”

  1. Feminism is Rooted in Very Anti-Christian Movements.
  2. Feminism is Unbiblical.
  3. Feminism Goes Against God’s Created Order.
  4. ???
  5. Feminism wants us to believe in a female God.
  6. Most feminists support abortion. – source

Now I see how, unwittingly at the time to me, the negative effect that the usurping of my husband’s authority all those childrearing years had on our girls. If we were to do child-raising all over again, we would be much different now: way less secular, way more biblical, homeschool instead of public school, not teach our children the ways of pagan holidays and, most importantly, show them the proper authority roles within the family.

Even though we know we cannot shield our children from the world, the devil, and the flesh, we believe that if we had followed GOD’S WORD more in how we raised our family, it would have made a better impact on how our family turned out than what we are experiencing now.

Excerpts from Renner.org: “The Breakdown of Family Relationships”

But if you have already fallen victim to this symptom of the last days, God’s grace is present to fully restore. He loves you and cares deeply for the wounds this has inflicted on your soul and on the souls of your children. With the help of God and empowerment of the Holy Spirit, it is possible for you to fully recover from this trauma. God is always present to help those who call on Him in time of need.

As I read Paul’s list of signposts indicating that the last days have begun, I am simply amazed at the accuracy of the Bible. Paul told us that society would be “…without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers…” (2 Timothy 3:2). Two thousand years in advance, the Holy Spirit perfectly forecasted what would occur in society at the end of the age.

It’s not time for you to throw in the towel in despair — it’s time for you to throw up your hands with a shout of victory! You are truly a part of a chosen generation that is experiencing not only the end of the age, but also history’s greatest opportunity to share the Good News of Jesus Christ and to help bring in a last harvest of souls before the age concludes. What a privilege!source

The best advice I can give to those going through the same plight is: Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes done in the past. Realize that no family is perfect and there are no perfect parents or children. Know that if people ‘crucify’ you for your mistakes, then that is a reflection of their insecurities and shortcomings. Equally reflect on the things you may have done right. Encourage yourself by knowing you did the best you knew how at the time, with what you had, and where you were mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If you have sincerely apologized for your mistakes and they choose not to forgive you, then release that transaction to GOD.

Overall, just be thankful you had the opportunity to experience what it was like to be a parent, even if you feel like you failed royally or if you feel like you did not fail because you know you did the best you could. Just know that GOD is pleased that you even tried in your fallen and flawed state. Basically, give yourself Grace because GOD does.

“It Is Better to Have Loved and Lost Than to Have Never Loved at All.”

Until Next Time… Maranatha!

JESUS = WAY, TRUTH, LIFE

*Ambassador For Christ in All I Do

*YouTube Channel: All For Christ (Sign Language/Voice Ministry)

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*Occupation: Former Sign Language Interpreter//Highest Calling of Wife, Mother, & Keeper of the Home