Computer Terminology for Country Folks

LOG ON: makin a wood stove hotter

ANALOG: will also make a stove hotter

LOG OFF: don’t put on no more wood

DIGITAL: The art of counting on your fingers.

BAR CODE: Them’s the fight’n rules down at the local tavern.

RAM: the thing that splits the log

MONITOR: keepin an eye on the stove

DOWNLOAD: gettin the wood off the truk

CHAT: whut our wimmin folk do

MEGAHERTZ: a log fallin on your toe

SUPERCONDUCTOR: Amtrak’s Employee of the year.

SCSI: What you call your week-old underwear.

FLOPPY DISC: from carryin too much wood

STATE OF THE ART: a PC you can’t afford

SCANNER: whut we do with our wimmin folk

LINKS: whar golfers go

OBSOLETE: any PC you own

HACKER: Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.

REMOTE: my mother-in-law

URL: outside the city

HARD DRIVE: gettin home in the winter time

INTERNET: Where cafeteria workers keep their hair.

CLICK: whut ma truk starter does

FORMAT: ma pick-up truck needs two formats

SCREEN: Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.

MEGABYTE: a bite frum a large dog

PROMPT: whut the mail ain’t in the winter time

FLOPPY DRIVE: drivin with a flat tire

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.

NETWORK: them TV stations

CRASH: whut we do with our trucks

WINDOWS: whut ya shut when it’s cold

WEB: whut dem spiders make

SCREEN: whut ya put in durin fly season

BYTE: whut dem flys do

BITS: the marks the damn flys leave

USENET: to take dem fish outta the water

INTERNET: whar ya want dem fish to land

SITE: my yard, home or town

I P ADDRESS: we call it the outhouse

MODEM: whut ya did to the hay fields

LAP TOP: whar the kitty sleeps

KEYBOARD: whar ya hangs yer keys

CHIP: munchies for TV

MICRO CHIP: small pieces in the munchie bag

CLIENT: dem Yankees I take fishin

SERVER: my bartender or waitress

CACHE: Needed when you run out of food stamps.

FLAME: whut I lite the stove with

NEWBIE: my 12 yr. old daughters little boy

MOUSE: whut eats the grain in thee barn

DOT MATRIX: old Ben’s wife

SPAM: what we eat Tuesdays and Fridays

JAVA: cuppa hot coffee

BUG: The reason you give for calling in sick.

PROGRAM: whut ya get at a ball game

SOFTWARE: them dang plastic knives and forks

PORT: fancy Northern wine

MOUSE PAD: hippy talk for a mouse’s home

MAIN FRAME: whut holds up the barn roof

ENTER: Yankee talk for “C’mon in ya’ll”

BACKUP: What you do when you run over a skunk in the woods.