July 27, 2015
I’ve been married for over 30 years. I met him (my husband) when I was 15 and he was 22 and became pregnant, which says a lot about the neglect and unsupervised place where I was raised; for he should have been charged with statutory rape but no one cared.
I became born-again at the age of 20 after living a very wicked lifestyle over such a short time. All praise to God for saving me when I wasn’t deserving of being saved and God has always been faithful to me through all my struggles. And I want to say God convicted me through the power of the Holy Spirit in my home. It didn’t happen in a church building, it truly was a miracle.
I guess he wanted me to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was all Him and not some emotional altar call. I’m not downing altar calls for I believe there should be one at the end of every service (which I’ve found to be lacking in most churches today for spreading the gospel of Christ and salvation—the Great Commission).
I learned God can call anyone anywhere He so chooses as He did me, and when I got up off my knees, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had been taken out of darkness and translated into His kingdom of light. I was born-again with new desires, all glory to God!
I filed for divorce right before God saved me and I was about to go through with it and I was seeing another man who took good care of me and my children. I often wonder how much better life would have been had I gone through with that divorce and married the other man who was willing to go to church, and most likely would have given his heart to the Lord, which he did years later. He is presently with the Lord even now as he has passed on.
Anyway, back to the present; we have had lots of problems, raised three children; my husband is an alcoholic and has ruined us financially many times over. We’ve lost two homes and now rent. I rebuilt his credit line by budgeting but he has ruined it again. I still budget the best I can with what he gives me but we are not making ends meet. It has become a struggle again. My children are all grown and living on their own now, thankfully.
There has been a lot of lying going on and I can’t trust anything he says. Even if he does tell the truth I can’t believe him because of all the lies he has told; secrecy as to where money goes, and in the past there has been abuse. I have stayed with him based on the Word in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 which says we are not to divorce the unbeliever if he chooses to stay and in my case he chooses to stay.
I chose to stay because I didn’t want to disobey God and I believed my husband would change and had hope he would give his heart to the Lord. He does believe in God but hasn’t committed his life to the Lord Jesus. I have endured much heartache and have even become physically ill from it all and am disabled now; I am old.
This relationship is more of roommates existing together than a marriage; we don’t even sleep in the same rooms. We have become co-dependent and I feel sorry for what I know might become of him if I were to up and leave. I have images in my head that he would become one of those drunks with nowhere to live. I had an uncle like that and I don’t want that to that to happen to him.
He needs me to restrain him which I detest doing because I feel he is a grown man and should handle his business which I harp on him about, over and over which can’t make him feel good about himself. I love the Lord with all my heart but I am so frustrated with this situation.
I don’t care about money but I do want a roof over my head and food to eat and I don’t want to be alone even though I know God is with me, always. I don’t want to be alone as far as human companionship but I dream of having peace that I know I would have without him around.
He prefers I don’t talk much so really I feel alone in that way anyway. I know there are programs to help disabled people but hate the idea of being reliant on the government to provide a roof over my head. I also feel sorry for him and still love him and always will but when do I put my spiritual well being first?
I tell myself this is the lot given me and God will grow me through it all but sometimes I don’t know if that is true or just my justifying the situation. I have threatened to leave him many, many times, kind like Peter calling wolf.
I don’t know what God wants me to do anymore concerning this. I just pray daily, “Come quickly Lord Jesus, Come.” And I know it is selfishness that I want Jesus to come not only to make things right in this messed up world which I can’t wait for Him to do but also to deliver me out of this horrible situation.
Thank you for your encouragement to all. God bless you! Your letters greatly encourage me and I know others that are going through similar situations.
It is a blessing to have this ministry and I so appreciate your kind words. You sound like an amazing woman. God bless you! Your life narrative is filled with heartache, abuse, neglect, disappointment and chronic frustration. No one wants to feel like a babysitter for a spouse. But if you read the many letters I receive you would quickly learn you are not alone. But that does not make your own plight any easier.
We know we cannot change the past and the best way to survive the here and now is to not dwell on it (easier said than done). But you know, as Christians we have God’s love letter to us—the Bible. Jesus warned us that in this world we would have tribulation but then quickly followed-up by saying, “Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Each day we have evidence that this corrupt, broken world is so far gone that nothing but Jesus’ Second Coming will put an end to all of this, or in the case of true believers we have the promise of the Rapture.
Imagine if we did not have the Blessed Hope—the glorious appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ; think how much worse things would be. You already know you cannot change your husband and from what you have shared, separating from him is not a viable option unless you could live with a family member. (But that could bring on another set of problems.)
Even with all the negativity in your life you can bring some joy and peace into your life by working to emotionally distance yourself from your husband. You can do this by spending as much time as possible filling your heart and mind with the Scriptures and focusing on the good things in your life. When one’s health is not the best it is a double challenge to be cheerful, but we all must deal with our given circumstances knowing that God does see what is going on and that He is there for us.
Threatening to leave has done nothing but create more friction, especially when your husband knows you are not in a position to go anywhere. So to make your own life more satisfactory it has to begin with changing your thoughts and how you relate to him; otherwise you will spin into a deeper web of misery. Since he “prefers you don’t talk too much” that should make your life easier. The less you get into frustrating conversations with him the better off you will be. Talk to Jesus instead!
Accepting your situation is part of your emotional healing. I am not saying you should approve of your husband’s selfish destructive behavior. But I am saying once you let go of what you cannot change then you will feel less burdened. If you can’t change your circumstances then you must make the best of your present conditions. As far as your finances, keep going to the Lord about it. He will make a way for you. We don’t know how, but He will provide.
“I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his descendants begging bread” (Psalm 37:25).
Even with your disability and the problems with your husband, surely there must be something to be grateful for that will help you feel less abused. You mention that you have three grown children who are on their own. That alone is a huge blessing. If you have a good relationship with them, make an effort to keep in closer touch with them. You gave many years of your life raising them, and to see them as adults living fruitful lives is a direct reflection of your loving sacrifices and efforts.
Your overwhelming disappointment in the man you married is very understandable. He should be taking care of you and doing everything he can to make your life better. But he is one of millions who cannot see past his own selfish desires, and frankly shows little or no concern for how his behavior hurts others. But of course you already know that. Ironically, he probably doesn’t think he has a problem, which is part of the alcoholic personality.
Alcohol abuse is a serious problem and lying comes along with it. It is so hard to feel hope when you live under a roof where chronic dysfunctional behavior is the norm. But Betty, as you know, Jesus is there for you. Yes, your outward circumstances are filled with problems. In order to survive your given circumstances you must choose to embrace your situation as best you can without allowing yourself to get pulled into your husband’s dramas. You can do this by focusing on Jesus even more.
It sounds like you do have your own space in your home, and considering the challenging issues, that is something to be grateful for. Make your personal space as comfortable and appealing as possible. Spend your time searching the Scriptures and listen to soothing Christian hymns. Listening to those hymns will really help calm your mind and emotions.
Sometimes when someone does not feel well it is hard to read. If that is the case for you, invest in a good audio Bible. Even with a tight budget you can find edifying material on the Internet which you can purchase for little money, and often download for free. Listen to the Scriptures and make listening to the hymns and Scriptures a great part of your day. Time can pass quickly and each day is one day closer to spending eternity with Jesus.
The Word of God is a healing salve and will strengthen you. And remember, “Greater is he that is in you than he who is in the world” ( 1 John 4:4). Remind yourself often that this life is temporary and how blessed you are to know that! I personally don’t know any true believer who is not anxious to be with Christ. This life is a cesspool of broken promises, intense corruption, lies and deceit.
Betty, I am so sorry your life has been so trying and that you are suffering. But there is always tremendous hope in Jesus. You know your future is going to be far beyond the best we can even imagine and what you are going through now will be gone forever.
For encouragement, please read or listen to Paul’s prison epistles (Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, Philemon). When you do, keep in mind that he was suffering in terrible conditions yet God used him in such a fantastic way. That alone should inspire all of us to be steadfast in our walk with the Lord and trust Him even when our outward circumstances are very difficult. And to think that Paul, previously known as Saul, was once a ruthless persecutor of Christians before his Damascus Road encounter with Jesus and subsequent conversion.
James wrote that this life is but a vapor and then we are gone (James 4:14). And Paul wrote that all believers are immediately in God’s presence when we die (2 Corinthians 5:8). I know you hold on to that promise. The way things are going in this extremely corrupt and wicked world, it can’t be too long now before we are freed from this fallen planet and taken home in the Rapture. Even if we have a bit longer here than we would like, we can still grow in the Lord and be useful to Him.
If you have some true Christian friends I hope you can spend time with them, and worship the Lord together. Today there are many ways we can connect with other believers, and in your case, I think it is especially important that you do.
In a way, you are in a prison and many are in this life, but your great blessing is that God reached out to you and saved you in a most wonderful and unique way. And He has clearly been giving you the grace to handle your problems. He will continue to do so. Continue to place all your hope in Him. (Hope produces endurance and perseverance.)
“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Romans 5:15).
Precious Betty, continue to hold on to Jesus. Keep your mind and heart fixed on Him and He will give you the inner peace you so desperately need. You may not feel like jumping for joy, but the Lord’s peace is one of a deep inner knowing that you belong to Him, and when He decides it is time to bring you home, He will richly reward you.
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee; because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in Jehovah for ever; for in Jehovah, even Jehovah, is an everlasting rock” (Isaiah 26:3-4).
When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and disheartened, please remember just how much Jesus loves you. Remember how much God the Father loves you. And the Holy Spirit—the Comforter, is always there for you. Jesus suffered tremendously so we can spend eternity with Him. He was the suffering servant who took all our sins upon Himself and endured intense torture and ridicule (Isaiah 53). Yet, even while He was nailed on the Cross before the last moments of his earthly mission He said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34a).
Betty, in your heart, you must forgive your husband. His mind has been taken hostage by the enemy. That does not mean you must like his behavior or condone it. Like others, your husband has been ensnared by the enemy, and unfortunately you have been his primary target of abuse. Forgiving your husband frees you to follow Christ in a manner some people do not understand.
It is through genuine forgiveness that we can move forward and not allow let the despicable behavior of others to destroy us. It is through forgiveness we can live with the enemy and still stand. In the flesh, forgiveness can sometimes seem nearly impossible. But you have the Holy Spirit living within you.
Let the Holy Spirit take over and enable you to let go of any bitterness and animosity you may be carrying. Don’t give the enemy the pleasure of reminding you how lousy your husband’s behavior has been (is). And to answer your question, “I also feel sorry for him and still love him and always will but when do I put my spiritual well being first?”
Here is your answer: Place your spiritual well being first right now by forgiving your husband, and let go of what you can’t change. Continue moving forward with your personal relationship with the Lord moving into a deeper level of communication with Him. Unforgiveness is a sure way to hinder a believer’s relationship with the Lord. Unforgiveness has even been called “spiritual poison” that the enemy uses against Christians to disconnect us from God.
Betty, you are a redeemed child of God and are already victorious through Christ. Always keep that in the forefront of your mind. Take each day one step at a time. Be sure to keep your prayer life strong and include your husband in those prayers. Pray specifically for peace in your home. God has saved and changed people with worse transgressions and until he takes his last breath there is still hope for him.
Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you are doing. Always keep in mind your future is going to be so phenomenal that it is impossible for our finite minds to comprehend any of it. You won’t be disabled, you won’t be neglected, used and abused. You will finally be fully free. And thank you Jesus that this world is not our true home! Now that is something to be exceedingly grateful for and to celebrate.
In God’s love,
“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed;we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body” (2 Corinthians 4:7-10)
July 20, 2015
I am so helped when I read the responses you have for people who are struggling in this life as Christians. Thank you and thank God for your ministry, may He bless you and keep you!
I have returned to the Lord after many years away. It has been about three years that I recommitted my life to Christ.
After my mother died and I separated from my second husband, the Lord began to work in my heart and called me to repent. During my separation I lived with my sister (and her partner) who has been in my life for many years. While I was away my husband began to seek Jesus also after many years living in the world and not even thinking about his conversion as a young man. (My husband and I were drawn back together by the Lord about 3.5 yrs ago.)
We are still not attending a church but we both read the Word almost daily and pray. I would like to find a church but my husband is very skeptical of religious people and people in general. I can see how Jesus is changing him in that way.
With that said, I have always been close to my sister. She took myself and my two daughters in when we needed help. I was able to get on my feet and buy a house of my own. That has been many years ago now.
My sister was a police officer when she felt she needed a career change. She was given a grant from a Baptist church and attended South Western Theological Seminary to get her Masters degree in counseling. This is when she came out as lesbian and introduced our family to her girlfriend who she was with for about 20 years.
They recently split up and she is involved with a very young woman who she had counseled for a few years. My sister says she would marry this woman and would even have a child with her through artificial insemination. It is so crazy because she is in her late 50s.
I have told her about my recommitment to Jesus and that I read the Bible. I think she hates the fact that I am following Christ but she would never show that emotion to me. I just keep thinking over and over as to what to say to her if she brings up the new Supreme Court ruling on marriage or if she decides to get married.
I still have not met the young woman she is seeing but she very much wants me to meet her. All this is snowballing in my head and I just pray for her and ask Jesus to help me; I guess you could say I am beside myself. I am scared I won’t honor the Lord because I am concerned that she will think I am against her. At the same time I want to do what the Holy Spirit wants me to say and do.
Another issue I have is with my other sister. Last July her youngest son, 21 years old, shot himself in the head and my sister found him. This has been the worst thing ever to happen to her, obviously. I pray for her all the time. She is now seeing a “spiritual advisor” and I feel her anger when I mention the Lord.
I just am so worried that I might say the wrong thing. She is devastated. I mostly just listen and support her but I am avoiding her. Should I stay away from family and just be with the people God places in my life or should I engage with my family? I feel like we have all become estranged in a way.
I remember when I was saved at 19, I said to my dad, “God is going to bring this family to its knees.” I think it made him a little nervous and he said he hoped not. (Sorry this is so long of a letter.) I have started to write you before but stopped because I didn’t know how to make this short.
Thank you Esther!
Love in Jesus our Lord,
Thank you for your kind sentiments about this ministry. It is because of special people like yourself who contribute letters, and all our readers, that we are able to encourage one another. To God be the glory and praise for His amazing grace and guidance.
First, it is wonderful that you recommitted your life to the Lord and that you and your husband have reconciled; and are sharing the Word of God together and praying. When Christ is truly the center of a marriage it can only get better. I can understand his skepticism about people. Far too many people are not trustworthy despite their religious or spiritual jargon.
Keep in mind we are living in the time of 2 Timothy 3:2-4, “For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”
Your husband is wise to be very cautious considering the disturbing behavior of some people who profess Christ but will stab you in the back in a heartbeat in order to further their own agendas. Control issues and selfish motives are huge in some ministries, and some smiling-faced “Christians” will spread slanderous lies and do their utmost to hurt others to get their own way. (Wolves in sheep’s clothing.)
But God is not mocked and He sees everything. He knows the true intent of all hearts and in time those same delusional people who profess Christ but work to hurt others will reap what they sow. Let’s pray that in time some authentic believers will become a part of your lives. It is sad but true that many ministries/churches are filled with people who cannot be trusted, so have patience with your husband.
Perhaps if you could get together with even one other Christian couple and have some good fellowship, that would be one way to start trusting. But what is really important is your personal relationship with the Lord and your husband’s personal relationship with the Lord. When we place Christ first in our lives, everything else comes together.
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:23).
And placing Christ first in our lives does not mean in thought or word only, but in real life behavior where we live authentically for Him and not for selfish gain. You’ve heard the story about the person who goes to church every Sunday, sings Halleluiah and says “Amen” to everything the pastor says. But on Monday morning he or she is as vicious as a pushy street thug running over anything and everything that is a perceived threat to that person’s self-serving controlling agenda.
Now regarding your two sisters, you certainly do have some challenges. But you know, Heather, all things are possible with Christ even when situations seem impossible (Luke 1:37). It is obvious you love your sisters and do not wish to hurt them in any way, and that you are appreciative of their kindness and generosity toward you and your children.
I can understand your feelings of fear and your wish not to offend your sisters. It really isn’t all that long since you have come back to the Lord. It might take some more time for you to be a bit stronger, and more grounded in your ability to communicate your love for Christ to your cherished family members without feeling like you are crushing on their reality.
Your dilemma not to hurt your sisters and not to compromise your commitment to the Lord is something that will work itself out in time. Avoiding some people sometimes is not a bad idea. But it is only a band aid, a temporary way of dealing with issues unless you decide not to deal with them at all and simply keep your distance for a very prolonged length of time.
Even if you avoid your sisters, and because you are
a caring and compassionate person, you will still carry your feelings of discomfort within unless you go directly to the Lord and ask Him to take away the emotional pain. Ask Him to strengthen you so when you are placed in a situation with your sisters or anyone else, and your faith is tested, you will not compromise.
“If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also” (John 15:18-20).
Ask the Lord to lift the burden of dealing with your sisters. It does not sound like you want to sever the relationships so we need to find a way for you to be able to interact with your sisters without you feeling like you are carrying a heavy ball and chain around with you. But depending on how they respond to you, you may have no choice but to distance yourself. We are always shaping and forming our thoughts. Just as we chose to walk with Christ we can choose what thoughts we will use. Choose a life-giving thought life and realize all the thoughts of fear and doubt do nothing but cause pain and immobilize us.
In the book of James (v. 1:6) we are reminded that worry is a form of doubt and that when we pray we must believe and not doubt in order for our prayers to be effective. We are conditioned every day of our lives to have doubt and fear. Fear and intimidation is the mantra of the left who rule the demonically inspired mainstream media in this country. The devil wants us to be terrified to the point of being useless to God.
Remember, fear is not of the Lord and it is through Him that we can overcome any doubts and fears that keep us from being productive and strong, and handle challenges that we face each day. Regarding your sister who lost her son, I think you are already doing what you can. Listening to her and just being there for her when she needs to unload her feelings is a caring thing to do.
However, feeling her anger toward you when you mention the Lord is symptomatic of her own lost state, and seeking the advice of a so-called spiritual advisor is a bad way for her to deal with her loss (you already know that). Now this is where your God-given strength must come through: If she continues to direct anger toward you because of your love and commitment for the Lord, you may have to distance yourself for a time.
Sometimes no matter what we say, some people will shut us out because we are committed to the Lord and they have hardened their hearts to His truth. You must not feel responsible for your sister, for her feelings and her reactions. (And that goes for both sisters.) You have done nothing wrong. Yes, what she is dealing with, the loss of her son, is terrible. But you have tried to help and comfort her. You have shared the Lord with her, but she will not receive the truth.
If she continues to direct anger toward you then you must step aside. You can do it in a loving way by telling her that you will always be there for her but you cannot accept her anger because it is unfair of her to be upset with you because of your love and devotion to Christ. Respect is a two-way street. Your ongoing prayers are the best thing you can do for her. Hopefully, in time, she will realize that you are trying to help her and she will stop acting so angry.
Sometimes we have to love people from a distance and surrender the entire situation to the Lord. Give your sister some time, her loss is very difficult. Once in a while you could send her a loving greeting card or text her and say something like, “Thinking of you with much love. Please let me know if I can do anything, I am here for you.”
That way you are reaching out to her, but it is up to her to respond and receive your kind sentiments. The loss of her son is huge but that does not mean she can direct her anger at you and place you in a compromising position.
Now concerning your other sister, the situation is not any easier. She obviously has chosen a lifestyle that is far outside of godly biblical principles and your own comfort zone. And once again, you must not allow yourself to be made to feel like what she is doing is something you must condone and accept. It sounds like your sister was involved with a very liberal church and seminary void of straightforward biblical truths.
I am concerned for you that it will come to a point where you will have to come right out and tell your sister that you love her very much, and will always appreciate what she did for you and your children when you needed help, but because you love her you cannot pretend that the lifestyle she has chosen is something you can condone.
Heather, your faith and commitment to Christ will have to override any pressure to keep “peace” between the two of you if she gets upset and angry. It would be inauthentic for you to pretend to go along with her chosen lifestyle. Of course, none of us like to be placed in such an awkward, uncomfortable position.
But sometimes we must face a time in our lives where we must choose to go on a road that will keep us walking in obedience to the Lord or walk on the road of compromise, which will inevitably create spiritual discomfort and cause separation from Christ. We should do our best not to grieve the Holy Spirit, and I know you are aware of that.
When we are serious about our commitment to the Lord, life does not necessarily become easier when dealing with family and friends (or the world in general). Life most often becomes more difficult because of our faith in Christ.
“Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 timothy 3:12).
You are facing a fork in the road, Heather. You can either choose to go on the high road where you will continue to grow in your walk with the Lord or you can choose to try to please your sisters and place God on the sidelines.
I know that may sound harsh but you can’t really have it both ways. You already fell away from the Lord for a time in your life and He graciously drew you back to Him, along with your husband. I would not encourage you to place yourself into a compromising situation because of the inevitable hurt, disappointment and/or anger your sisters will feel once they realize you are a new person in Christ and cannot sit on the fence (2 Corinthians 5:17).
You could be the very catalyst that may eventually cause your sisters to repent and come to faith in Christ. At the moment that may seem impossible but never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit. You are doing this sister no favor by possibly agreeing to meet her new girlfriend. What would you do and say? Please re-read Romans 1:26-27; 1 Timothy 9-10; Mark 10:6-9).
Heather, please get into your prayer closet with the Lord and ask Him to give you courage to deal with your sister and to give you the words you will need when you do tell her that you love her but cannot go along with her lifestyle. (You realize if she does not repent her eternal future is frightening.) She is wanting you to meet the new girlfriend but think carefully before you even take that step. You must not feel obligated to approve of something because your sister has done some nice things for you.
I wish I could make all of this easier for you. You have my love in Christ, moral support, compassion, my prayers and best wishes. I have confidence in you, Heather, that you will be able to deal with both sisters, and move forward with your walk with the Lord without compromising your commitment to Him.
When it is all said and done, only what we do for the Lord matters. One day soon, we will all face Him. Think about that; how you wish to be when you are face-to-face with the Lord. The troubles with your family will not be pressing in on you then, and you won’t be thinking about how your sisters feel toward you. You will be wishing you had done anything and everything to please Him. He deserves our full-allegiance.
It is easy for all of us to get caught-up in our day-to-day lives and have a sort of quasi-mental amnesia about our true home. But this is not our true home as the Scripture teaches. We must remember that each day of our lives so we are not pulled to and fro into frustrating situations ruled by the flesh, giving this life much more importance than we should.
“For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ” (Philippians 3:20).
God bless you, Heather, for your caring heart. It is not easy to be a believer in this fallen world and it seems to be getting harder each day. The social pressures scream, “Tolerance at all cost.” (As long as it is not tolerance for the Lord Jesus Christ, the King of kings, the Savior and Messiah of this world.)
How surprising and shocking it will be for the unrepentant, for those who chastise and mock us, when they bow their knees and confess Jesus Christ is Lord. But tragically it will be too late for them. They will be ushered into the lake of fire for eternity.
“For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God” (Romans 14:11-12).
And remember Heather, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). I would love to hear how you are doing in the future. Stay close to Jesus, stay in the Word and you will be able to handle your sisters, and your own feelings of fear.
“For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7).
In God’s love,
“Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I (press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:12-14).
I have been referred to as “Goody two shoes” all my life by family members and friends as well as non-friendly persons. I never took offense to this for I thought, I must be setting a good example. But now I realize those same people think I look down my nose at them. This could not be further from the truth.
I’m 43 years old and ask God for wisdom to know right from wrong and to help me make the right choices. I love to have conversations but I find that if the person in conversation is speaking of incorrect facts I am said to become overwhelmingly over bearing. I am going to give you a example of a recent conversation...
I visited my favorite aunt last weekend with my husband and we were comfortably talking about movies but then the conversation turned to my aunt having a Bible study with a Jehovah Witness. (Please understand that I do not direct the conversations to discussions of faith but that is always what ends a relationship with those I love.)
My aunt says that she is learning a lot from the Jehovah Witness person and I am trying to explain that their beliefs do not follow the biblical structure. She states that they believe salvation is through Jesus Christ but they don’t believe in the Trinity. She also states that they will go to heaven because they believe in Jesus.
This is where my body begins to tremble and although I can’t quote Bible verses (I’m more visual memory), I will have summaries of verses pop in my head that spout out of my mouth and it is very hard for me to hold back.
I told her that to know Jesus you must know God and to know God you know Jesus and to know Jesus the Holy Spirit will work with you for they are all one and the same. But to believe one without the other is not truth, not the gospel and therefore not worthy of listening to. My aunt also quickly says she is not witnessing to this person, just wanting to understand what they believe.
I continue to say that if my aunt is not witnessing then there is no purpose for a Christian to get involved in this type of “Bible study” for you can find what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe online. And then, because by now, I am accused of never listening to that faith, I then have to let her know that I did sit many times discussing that faith and told her my last visit by a Jehovah Witness must have put a blacklist on my house for they haven’t come back in years.
My aunt said, “But did you really listen?” My response was, “How else could I answer the gentleman’s questions if I didn’t listen to him read a verse in the Bible to me, and ask me how I felt about that verse?” I continue to tell my aunt that I told him I thought that without the Holy Spirit those are just words in a book. The Jehovah Witness visitor jumped up and looked at me as if I blasphemed and ran (yes ran) to his car and left. My aunt says I never listen and when it gets to faith I am overpowering.
Now my problem is not my faith, I believe in the Trinity, and have since a very young age and all throughout my life. Jesus has always drawn me back to Him when I would detour and get lost. PRAISE JESUS!
My problem is I now have been disconnected from six of my siblings, my husband’s three siblings and I can’t volunteer at church (not by choice), but because I have a hard time keeping my tongue under control where faith is involved.
I have a wonderful Sunday school class but I have to bite my lip throughout class and have even tried to write down my thoughts but it’s impossible to keep quiet because the class wants to know why I’m writing or what. But then if I share, precious time turns to difficulty.
One time I waited until after class and showed the teacher a Bible verse that was to help answer a question she had but she really didn’t want a true answer. I guess because she had already reasoned and told everyone how she saw it. I’m not angry, I’m sad and that is why I have distanced myself from making new relationships. But I honestly love to help others and I can’t be like those whom I know that can listen to someone saying things like, “Maybe their god is your God but a different name.”
I want to scream. I feel like not only have they hurt God they are hurting themselves and I so want to make them see the light. No matter how much I try to control this I can’t; tears are on edge and emotions build and everyone knows I’m about to declare loudly that God is, was, always will be the I AM and there is no other.
Well, this is a very long letter and I am not sure there is an answer for me other than to distance myself. I pray and that must be enough. Although if you have any suggestions I will listen. I question myself when others say that I don’t listen but the criticism is from the same people who are always surprised when I know their likes and dislikes or what type of shoes or music or even their favorite foods. How could I know those things if I don’t listen?
Thank you for your time.
My goodness! Where shall we begin? It is evident that you love the Lord and are bothered to no end when others are lukewarm in their understanding of the Bible. So being a bit edgy in their eyes is causing you a lot of grief.
Some people love being busybody activists and foolishly go out of their way looking for situations and even ministries that they personally have issues with only to get confrontational with those in charge. Others are wiser and will hold to God’s truths in a gracious humble manner that will be edifying and productive. In your case, you are simply responding passionately to what is going on around you.
The cold hard fact is that we are surrounded with too many people who are not always dedicated to the Scriptures, and are traveling in Christian circles for other reasons than glorifying God. The apostasy is growing in the Church, which means many people are not on fire for the Lord, many are unsaved and are simply going through the motions (at best).
It is understandable that you would get frustrated when those around you do not hold to the same love and devotion for God and His teachings. It is refreshing to hear of someone (you) who takes the Word of God to heart and is upset when others compromise the Scriptures or simply don’t show any common sense or real interest in their professed faith.
The way you describe yourself could lead someone to believe you are the nagging problem but it is better to be honest than take a breezy and bumpy ride in a sinking boat.
Sometimes when we are very enthusiastic about our faith others can become quite bothered. I would say that is a good thing—to a point. But it is always a good idea to cultivate a bit of tactfulness when relating to individuals who obviously water down the Word of God or have an agenda that is questionable. But even then, no matter what we say or do, we will offend others because they would rather have their ears tickled (2 Timothy 4:3).
How we defend our faith can have a positive or negative impact on others. I don’t mean that you should not hold fast to you convictions but sometimes we need to step aside just enough so the Holy Spirit can do His life-changing work in others. Our role is to deliver the message and then let the Holy Spirit do His redeeming work. Prayer is the most powerful method to help bring about positive changes even in circumstances that seem hopeless.
As you have found out our good intentions can sometimes backfire. Since you are well-aware of the issues with those you are alienated from, fervent prayer is your best solution. We serve a God of restoration and in time the Lord may very well heal the separation you have with the people you speak of in your letter.
But nevertheless, can you image if John the Baptist had tiptoed around whispering the Name of Jesus? It is inconceivable to me after reading how he took to heart his mission for the Lord! I am sure in those days he was considered some sort of lunatic by some folks. But in God’s eyes he was a great and faithful servant. It ultimately cost him his life.
Today the politically correct masses squirm when someone dares speak the truth. Instead of accepting the obvious truth the person is vilified, ostracized and made to feel like some sort of sub-human. This is true in Christendom as well. Far too many churches have fallen away from teaching the Bible and have become Sunday morning social clubs where cult of personality reigns and the true Jesus is nowhere to be found. Those who stand tall for the Lord are considered judgmental, intolerant and behind the times.
You mention in your letter that you have a good Sunday school class but you have had an awkward interaction with your teacher. I have noticed few people in leadership positions like to be approached with biblical insights. I am sorry to say but control issues seem to exist with many who are in leadership roles. (Not always, but more often than not.) It is unfortunate because we are to respect one another and approach ministry matters with humility.
A Bible teacher or pastor should be delighted to see a student deeply involved in studying the Scriptures as we are commanded to do (2 Timothy 2:15). Instead the Bible student or congregant is often brushed off. This type of behavior from church leaders is in direct conflict with biblical principles and chokes off genuine fellowship and discourages spiritual growth.
Considering your situation overall, keeping your distance with those who are bothered by your enthusiasm is not a bad idea. But I would not go out of my way to avoid them. If a situation comes up and you must interact with someone you have had issues with, be cordial but don’t get into any intense discussions with them. Sometimes we must stand alone in our faith. But we are really never alone because Jesus is with us.
Once we understand the type of people we are dealing with in life that frees us to do our work for Christ in a more effective and productive manner. Spend your time and love for the Lord reaching others for Him in a ministry that will appreciate your forthrightness. You already know you can’t change people, only God can.
If you can’t find a church or Christian ministry where you fit in, see if you can start your own small ministry where you can share the gospel and have some good Bible studies. You have the chutzpah to speak out for Christ. So many professing believers won’t witness to others because they are too uncomfortable and worried that someone might ridicule them.
Use your gift of boldness to share the gospel. Boldness coupled with a loving attitude are so needed today. Stay close to Jesus and He will guide you to whatever it is that He has in mind for you. Use all the negativity that you have experienced as a life lesson and move on.
We cannot undo the past or make people like us. We cannot make people love Jesus and make Him Lord of their lives. But we can place one foot in front of the other and walk down the path that the Lord has paved for us.
Use your personal disappointments to compassionately understand others. And be mindful that sometimes a quiet voice can speak volumes. Ask the Lord to give you wisdom and discernment in each situation, and prayerfully interact with those you are led to share Scripture with.
If the individuals you mention in your letter are so bothered by you and cannot appreciate your dedication and enthusiasm for the Lord, then what is the point of having a relationship with them? Pray and hope for reconciliation but keep moving forward.
It is one thing to have family and friends we must spend time with occasionally, but on a day-to- day basis it is best to choose our friends wisely and spend time with others who are committed to furthering the gospel and rightly dividing the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15).
Think victoriously, Kristy. The Holy Spirit will empower you to overcome the struggles in your life. Sometimes a new beginning is necessary. Let go of the past and move forward choosing your words carefully when you do interact with others.
Begin each day with determination. Spend precious time with the Lord in prayer and Bible study. Trust Him to lead you to those who will appreciate your devotion to not compromising the Word of God.
God bless you for your dedication to God's truths.
In God’s love,
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).
July 6, 2015
I very much enjoyed your response on prayer. Praying has given me the balance I need in my life as a Christian it is very reassuring to know that the Lord is available to us 24/7. I have been thinking a lot lately about heavenly angels and wonder what you might have to say about them. My knowledge about heavenly angels is limited. Sometimes I wonder if they are real and if they are helping us in our lives. Anything you might know from Scripture would be appreciated.
God bless you!
Thank you for your kind words. The Bible gives us some marvelous and heroic accounts regarding God’s holy angels. Angels are helpers, guardians, official announcers of news, and emissaries of both the mercy of God and the wrath or judgments of God. Angels have often been referred to as God’s secret agents. Here is just a short synopsis of the many biblical references made to God’s holy angels:
Angels are God’s faithful assistants reverently serving Him:
“The LORD has established His throne in the heavens; and His sovereignty rules over all. Bless the LORD, you His angels, mighty in strength, who perform His word, obeying the voice of His word! Bless the LORD, all you His hosts, you who serve Him, doing His will” (Psalm 103:19-22).
“The Son of Man will send forth His angels, and they will gather out of His kingdom all stumbling blocks, and those who commit lawlessness” (Matthew 13:41).
“And then He will send forth the angels, and will gather together His elect from the four winds, from the farthest end of the earth, to the farthest end of heaven” (Mark 13:27).
“And to give you who are troubled rest with us when the Lord Jesus, is revealed from heaven with His mighty angels in flaming fire, taking vengeance on those who do not know God, and to those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ” (2 Thessalonians 1:7-8).
“Then I saw an angel coming down from heaven, having the key to the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand. He laid hold of the dragon, that serpent of old, who is the devil and Satan, and bound him for a thousand years” (Revelation 20:1-2).
“And He will send His angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they will gather together His elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other” (Matthew 24:31).
Angels can visit the earth from heaven:
“And he [Jacob] had a dream, and behold a ladder was set on the earth with its top reaching to heaven; and behold the angels of God were ascending and descending on it” (Genesis 28:12).
“And He said to him [Nathanael], “Most assuredly, I say to you, hereafter you shall see heaven open up, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man” (John 1:51).
We have protective angels:
“The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them” (Psalm 34:7).
“For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways” (Psalm 91:11).
Angels can suddenly appear to help in a time of need:
Even Jesus, was helped by an angel from heaven. When He was fervently praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was in agony knowing what He was ahead of Him; that He was about to be crucified and take upon Himself all the sins of the world.
“Now an angel from heaven appeared to Him, strengthening Him” (Luke 22:43).
After Jesus had fasted in the wilderness for forty days and forty nights, Satan tried to tempt Him. But Jesus rebuked the devil and he fled. Immediately after, angels came to minister to Jesus:
“Then the devil left Him; and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him” (Matthew 4:11).
“And he [Elijah] lay down and slept under a juniper tree; and behold, there was an angel touching him, and he said to him, ‘Arise, eat.’ Then he looked and behold, there was at his head a bread cake baked on hot stones, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the LORD came again a second time and touched him and said, ‘Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.’ So he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Herob, the mountain of God” (1 Kings 19:5-8).
“And when Peter came to himself, he said, ‘Now I know for sure that the Lord has sent forth His angel and rescued me from the hand of Herod and from all that the Jewish people were expecting’” (Acts 12:11).
“But the high priest rose up, along with all his associates (that is the sect of the Sadducees), and they were filled with jealousy; and they laid hands on the apostles, and put them in a public jail.
But an angel of the Lord during the night opened the gates of the prison, and taking them out he said, “Go your way, stand and speak to the people in the temple the whole message of this Life. And upon hearing this they entered into the temple about daybreak and began to teach” (Acts 5:17-21a).
“For this very night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood before me, saying, ‘Do not be afraid, Paul; you must stand before Caesar; and behold God has granted you all those who are sailing with you.
Therefore, keep up your courage, men, for I believe God, that it will turn out exactly as I have been told’” (Acts 27:23-25). (An angel comforted Paul and told him that no lives would be lost in the shipwreck.)
“When the morning dawned, the angels urged Lot to hurry, saying, ‘Arise, take your wife and your two daughters, who are here, lest you be consumed in the punishment of the city’” (Genesis 19:15).
“Then Daniel spoke to the king, ‘O king, live forever! My God, sent His angel and shut the lions’ mouths, and they have not harmed me; inasmuch as I was found innocent before Him; and also toward you, ‘O king, I have committed no crime’” (Daniel 6:21-22).
“Now an angel of the Lord spoke to Philip, saying, “Arise and go toward the south along the road which goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.” This is desert” (Acts 8:26).
“And an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing to the right of the altar of incense. And Zacharias was troubled when he saw him, and fear gripped him. But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zacharias, for your petition has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you will give him the name John [John the Baptist’s birth foretold]” (Luke 1:11-13).
Angels continually exalt God and have His attention:
“See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you, that their angels in heaven continually behold the face of my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 18:10).
“And I looked, and heard the voice of many angels around the throne and the living creatures and the elders; and the number of them was myriads of myriads, and thousands of thousands saying with a loud voice, ‘Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing’” (Revelation 5:11).
“In the year of King Uzziah’s death, I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple. Seraphim stood above Him, each having six wings; with two he covered his face, and with two he flew. And one called out to another and said, ‘Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD of hosts, the whole earth is full of His glory’” (Isaiah 6:1-3).
Joseph received guidance and warnings to protect the baby Jesus from an angel in his dreams (Matthew 1:20, 24; 2:13, 19).
Angels proclaim awesome news and important events:
Angels announced the birth of Messiah Jesus to the shepherds:
“And an Angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone all around them; and they were terribly frightened. And the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy which will be for all people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths, and lying in a manger.
And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of heavenly host praising God, and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.’ And it came about when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds began saying to one another, ‘Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made know to us’” (Luke 2:9-15).
Angels are strong and powerful:
“Bless the LORD, you His angels, who excel in strength, who do His word; heeding the voice of His word” (Psalm 103:20).
“Wheras angels, who are greater in power and might, do not bring a reviling accusation against them before the Lord” (2 Peter 2:11).
An angel was very involved in bringing the revelatory visions to the apostle John during his exile on the island of Patmos.
“The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave Him to show His servants—things which must shortly take place. And he sent and signified it by His angel to His servant John” (Revelation 1:1).
“I saw still another mighty angel coming down from heaven, clothed with a cloud. And a rainbow was on his head; his face was like the sun, and his feet like pillars of fire.
He had a book open in his hand. And he set his right foot on the sea and his left foot on the land, and cried out with a loud voice, as when a lion roars. When he cried out, seven thunders uttered their voices” (Revelation 10:1-3).
“After these things I saw another angel coming down from heaven, having great authority, and the earth was illuminated with his glory” (Revelation 18:1).
“Now I, John, saw and heard these things. And when I heard and saw, I fell down to worship before the feet of the angel who showed me these things. Then he said to me, “See that you do not do that. For I am your fellow servant, and of your brethren the prophets, and of those who keep the words of this book. Worship God” (Revelation 22:8-9).
Annie, there is a lot here to contemplate about angels. They are indeed real and as you have read, serve God in many ways. While heavenly angels carry a great deal of authority, it is always limited to God’s will. They never veer away from God’s intentions. They always glorify Him and never themselves. What an exciting future we have when we will be living side by side with our heavenly angels in the heavenly realm. Even so come Lord Jesus!
“Forget not to show love unto strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares” (Hebrews 13:12).
In God’s love,
“Then I looked, and I heard the voice of many angels around the throne and the living creatures and the elders; and the number of them was myriads of myriads, and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice, ‘Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing’” (Revelation 5:11-12).
Excerpts from A Better World Is Coming Soon - Don’t Miss It, Expanded 2013 Edition, pp.373-378, Kit. R. Olsen, World Bible Society.
June 29, 2015
I read your words of wisdom every week. I live in Australia and I have been saved for about two years. I read the Bible every day but sometimes I am not sure how to pray. I am not sure if I am really reaching God. Is there any guidance you can give me on this? I go to a nice church but other than the worship service there is not much teaching on prayer. I would also like to know how and what to pray when leading others to Christ.
I will be glad to share some important points on prayer. Scripture tells us to pray only to God the Father in the Name of Jesus Christ, His Son. Some religious groups who call themselves Christians pray to Mary or other “saints” which is not biblical. It is nothing less than idol worship which the Lord forbids and detests.
“You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. You shall not worship them or serve them” (Exodus 20:3-5a).
“For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 2:5).
The Lord’s prayer is our model, Matthew 6:9-13:
“Pray, then, in this way:
‘Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’”
We can boldly come to God the Father through Jesus, our High Priest, who understands our needs:
“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:14-16).
Gerald, when we pray we should humble ourselves before the Lord. We should not pray to impress others but rather to honor Him; to deepen our communication with Him and to praise Him.
[Jesus said] “And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites; for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men.
Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.
And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore do not be like them, for your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him” (Matthew 6:5-8).
It is very important to pray daily and as often as possible. And we must pray in faith without doubt:
“But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6).
Prayer is our communication line to God, as are the Holy Scriptures. Talk to Him about everything. He loves us completely—in ways we cannot begin to understand. He is interested in the matters that concern us. He knows everything there is to know about us, but nevertheless wants to have an ongoing personal communication with us.
Scripture teaches that God even knows how many hairs are numbered on our heads (Luke 12:7; Matthew 10:30) and that He collects our tears in a bottle and keeps a written record of them (Psalm 56:8). Reach out to Him and He will guide and comfort you. He will make a way for you when there seems no way. He is our Rock and a most sure help in times of trouble.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
Prayer is one of the many basic daily activities of all believers. Reading, hearing, studying and contemplating Scripture are the other basic daily activities. We are encouraged to pray always (Ephesians 6:18; 1 Thessalonians 5:17). And dare to pray for great things with great conviction (James 5:17-18).
We have the example of Paul (Colossians 1:3; 2 Timothy 1:3). We have the example of Timothy (Colossians 1:3). Praying always means to be in constant communication with the Lord. We can make brief requests and express our gratitude while we are on the go and we should pray privately on our knees as the Lord and the apostles did (Mark 14:32-35; 6:12; 22:41; Ephesians 3:14; Acts 7:60; 9:40; 20:36; 21:5).
We should pray in the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 6:18; Jude 20; Romans 8:26, and pray according to the will of God (1 John 5:14-15). If we are unsure what to pray, we can pray in the Holy Spirit: “but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered” [silent, inaudible words] as taught in Romans 8:26.
Believers can know God’s will by studying the Scriptures. Prayer is our way of speaking to the Lord. He speaks to us by His Word. It is a blessing to hear, read, study, and memorize His Word every day—to listen to Him. Instead of worrying we should cast all our anxieties on the Lord (1 Peter 5:6-7; Philippians 4:6-7).
Although you may not feel God is hearing you, that does not mean He is not. We must use the Scriptures as our gauge and not our feelings. Scripture is filled with admonitions to pray. Prayer is our lifeline to the Lord. It is that still quiet voice within that we must pay attention to try to hear God’s voice.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry” (Psalm 34:15).
In Psalm 6, verse 9 David said, “The LORD has heard my supplication, the LORD receives my prayer.” By developing a genuine relationship with the Living God through prayer and Bible study, by meditating on the Scriptures, our faith is strengthened. We must have faith that our prayers are heard and will be answered.
The more you enter into this type of fellowship with the Lord, the more confident you will be that He is there for you. And be sure you have forgiven those who have hurt you so your prayers are not hindered. Carrying a grudge of any sort is very detrimental to having an authentic relationship with the Lord.
“And Jesus answered saying to them, “Have faith in God. Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you. Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions” (Mark 11:22, 24-25).
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).
There are generally three types of prayer: Praise, intercession (when we pray on the behalf of others) and personal requests. These three types of prayer can be short prayers or lengthy ones. It is a blessing to be devoted to prayer (Romans 12:12; Colossians 4:2; 1 Peter 4:7); meaning we should spend time in private prayer on our knees, and in prayer when on the go. We should also pray with others (Acts 1:3; 16:25).
What happens when we pray together? Jesus said:
“Assuredly. I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:18-20).
As you personally know, the unsaved can come to faith in Christ and can be born-again by praying a personal prayer of repentance and faith. The words used are not important. A person’s sincerity and genuine commitment to the Lord is what counts. Saying a prayer, then walking away and forgetting about the Lord does not count for salvation.
The sincere intent of a person’s heart is what matters to God. There has to be true repentance, a true change of heart; a repentant heart that will seek Him first and leave behind habits and lifestyles that are contrary to His will and His teachings. The following verses express the heart confession necessary in order to be saved.
“That if you confess, with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation” (Romans 10:9-10).
Gerald, you can use the following words as a guide when leading someone to salvation. Use this simple heartfelt prayer, but the person coming before the Lord must wholeheartedly mean it:
Heavenly Father, I accept your Son, Jesus Christ, as my Lord and Savior. I believe in His death, burial and resurrection. I realize I have made many mistakes in my life. I have been confused and deceived by the lies of this world. Please forgive me. I ask you to come into my life, regenerate me and fill me with your Holy Spirit so I can be born-again and saved by your grace.
I want this to be a new beginning and have a close, personal relationship with you. I want to learn more about you through prayer and careful Bible study. Help me to truly repent and live my life in a way that is pleasing to you. Please write my name into the Book of Life. I pray this in the Name of Jesus the Christ (Yeshua Ha Mashiach), the Messiah of Israel and of the world. Amen.
Gerald, your desire to grow in the Lord through prayer and to share the gospel with others is just as the Lord commands. Stay close to Jesus in your heart and speak to God (pray) as often as possible and you will no longer have any doubt that you are reaching Him. Your attitude is the right one! God bless you for your efforts and faithfulness.
In God’s love,
“The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much” (James 5:16b).
June 22, 2015
I have been married for eighteen years. I had always served God to the fullest for twenty-three years. From the very beginning after I married my husband he wasn’t very kind to me. I understand we have ups and downs in marriage, but ours has been more down then up. We have three beautiful children who are in their teens.
For the most part in my marriage, I have been a stay-at-home mom. My husband left God for about six years and my marriage was a wreck. I forgave him for all the infidelity, mistreatment, physical abuse (not anymore), and verbal abuse. He was involved with a woman for about ten years and the most part I didn’t know. He stopped the relationship, when he came back to Christ four years ago.
This woman and my husband have continued to communicate with each other during those four years. We lost our home and cars because of her. We started over by trying to work out our marriage. This took a toll on my kids. I kept holding on to God and hoping God would change him. The attitudes, mistreatments are still there despite him trying to work on our marriage. I forgave him, and he said that he had stopped the communication with the woman, but every time this woman called it brought back the resentment in my heart.
I simply gave up on my marriage in the end. My husband saw the change in my heart. I continued to serve God and showed my children to serve God. My kids tell me that I am all they have. They resent their dad and don’t respect him at all. They have major attitudes towards him, and he blames me. I got a job, and God blessed me with a vehicle. I filed for divorce because that woman did not stop her calling. I am tired of this life.
Now this is where I went wrong...this past year I met up with a friend from the past, and we started talking. We are having an affair and I am so torn into pieces. I filed for divorce for the way my marriage has been. I am not filing because of the affair. He has nothing to do with this.
When my husband found out about it he said he would blackmail me and tell people but now says he will keep this between us. I am just afraid he would use the affair information against me with the church and kids. If the church he is attending finds out, I am kicked out. I want to still have access due to family attending there. I am unsure about all this. I do love my husband with my all
He has confronted me once again about all this about what decision I am going to make. I know my kids are hurting in all this. I feel responsible, because we are in limbo due to the divorce. My children and I are what my husband only has. He does have family, but are not close at all. Honestly, what I see in my husband I just feel sorry for him.
I mentioned before...I have seen a change in him though. I am just cynical due to the past. He has been trying to win my heart. I do feel my heart melting. I feel God telling me to forgive him.
The friend I have had the affair with is willing to marry me. He has an education and knows about my children. He is willing to take them under his wing. He wants to buy a nice home for them and build our lives together although my kids have never met him. I have mentioned him in the past about what a nice person that he is. (I was dating him when I was a young girl out of high school.)
My husband has changed a bit for the better ... I do see it, but I know it’s temporary. He now tells me that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I still love my husband despite everything, but I have been there and done it. He tells me to choose him or my friend.
I have gotten the approval of the divorce by my pastor. I am just afraid of life. I am afraid over all of starting over. I don’t make enough money. I also feel guilty over this affair I am in.
I want to get things right with God. I don’t want to lose this man, too. He is really kind. I know what I did is morally wrong in the eyes of God. I never in my life thought I would end up this way. I don't want my children to know about any of this. Please guide me in the right direction. I know that confusion is not of God.
I am aware that I have to forgive all in all. I still love my husband dearly. I also see my friend as an opportunity for a better life. I am just stumped in all this. I know that if I choose my husband I will hurt my friend dearly. He has waited patiently for one year and one month. I hope to hear from you.
Dear Truly Sad,
I am including all your communication here with my response and I am going to ask you to read it aloud by printing it out, if you can. When no one is around, read it out loud. Read it out loud several times. Listen to your life. This entire dilemma must be looked at from the early years of your marriage.
Straightaway things were not right. No man, especially a church going professing Christian man should abuse and disrespect his wife in any way. And what is “truly sad” is that it happens far too often.
A man who cannot control his anger and has even physically abused his wife clearly does not have “the fruit of the Spirit” which would give evidence of true salvation. Your spouse is out of order and failing in his obligation to you, your children and most important, to God. He seriously needs to learn what it means to be a Christian husband and father and behave like one.
Your husband is not in a position to make any type of demands on you whatsoever. What I find really ridiculous is that after he said his ten-year affair was “over” he did not cut-off that relationship, but continued to torture you with the girlfriend’s phone calls for four more years (after he supposedly came back to Christ).
What does that mean, “When he came back to Christ?” Who is really this man’s lord, anyway? Is it himself? “By their fruits ye shall know them’ (Matthew 7:16a).
Your husband is in dire need of regeneration. He has brought so much confusion, heartache and shame into your marriage. Even the children don’t trust their father and have lost respect for him. Generally children want to be with both parents. They will forgive all kinds of things. But when the situation gets to the point where they lose respect and trust in their father then the damage that has been done is very serious.
Of course what you did is not right by engaging in an affair. You must stop and repent immediately if you are still involved in a sexual relationship. But considering the long-term abuse and degradation that has gone on in your marriage why would anyone be surprised that you became entangled with someone who seems to truly care about you?
And if your husband tries to use this against you, he needs to look in the mirror at his own pathetic track record and point his finger at himself and not you.
And trying to blame you for the way the children feel about him is wrong. Right there, he does not want to take responsibility for the damage he has caused all by himself. Instead, he blames you.
Do you understand that this is underhanded manipulation?
Telling you now that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you sounds nice. But didn’t he say that to you eighteen years ago? Did he have a trio of violinists on the front lawn to serenade you when he made his recent plea? He can say whatever he wants but his track record is terrible. And you have admitted that you know his improved behavior is only temporary.
As far as making a decision about your future and the future of your children I would not make it based on the approval or rejection of your church. If they cannot forgive you for your indiscretion, then you are in the wrong church. God will lead you to a church where forgiveness is understood. Your family members involved there should be able to understand that.
You say you feel God telling you to forgive your spouse. Yes, you must forgive him, as you have in the past. But there comes a point where when his words and promises must be turned into action. You mention that you see positive changes in him but you know it is “only temporary.”
With that said, then how can you possibly subject yourself and your three children to more uncertainty with this untrustworthy, unstable, derisive man? You clearly have grounds for divorce as your pastor has said.
And the fact that he has little family should not be the determining factor for you. You can feel sorry for him but you don’t have to sacrifice yourself and your children because you pity him. He had his family. He was too busy messing it up with his girlfriend and with his abusive behavior.
Also, people who have been subjected to long-term abuse cannot always think clearly and they often make excuses for the perpetrator of the abuse: so be careful not to fall into that trap. You can pray for him with a forgiving heart but you don’t have to swallow his poison.
The broken-condition of the marriage is symptomatic of his lack of commitment to God. Without serious and genuine repentance he has no chance and neither does your marriage. Unless he is truly born-again by the Spirit of God he will never change.
As far as your friend, you must be as upfront with him as possible. If he is truly your friend then he will be there for you. If you believe you must give your husband one last chance to make things work, then that is your call. But unless he becomes truly born-again and sincerely apologizes to you and your children, there is little hope that anything will change for the better for any length of time.
From the outside looking in it sounds like your friend cares much more for you than your husband. I assume he is a believer. If he is not, then you should absolutely stop any thoughts of having a future with him unless he does come to faith. If he is a believer, you must repent together of your sin and vow not to engage in any sexual relations until after marriage vows are made before God.
The fact that your friend wants to marry you, take on responsibility for your children and provide a peaceful secure future for all of you is quite telling. I would not take it lightly. Considering you have given your “husband” a very long time to change I would be very cautious of any of his verbal overtures to try to keep you, now.
If you decide you want to marry your friend then I would thank God that there is someone kind who is willing to take on important responsibilities that your spouse has woefully neglected.
If you decide you want to have a future together with your friend, then I would talk to your children privately. Feel them out. Ask them how they would feel if they could have someone special to provide for all of you. If they are pleased then you could tell them more and assure them that they will have a stabile home life a last and that of course they can always visit their father.
I would then introduce them to their future stepfather. If they want the family to stay together regardless of their father’s reckless shameful behavior then you will have to strongly consider that in your final decision.
Once you make your decision please let me know and then I will have a few more suggestions for you, either way. Think carefully and wisely. A Scripture has come to mind for me several times while I have been writing this:
“As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly” (Proverbs 26:11).
Please spend some time alone with the Lord and ask Him to strengthen you and give you the resolve you need. You need not be confused any longer. Change can seem frightening sometimes but with Christ all things are possible. Change can be wonderful. You know you would not want anyone you care about to continue in a seriously ruinous situation. You must apply that same thinking to yourself.
And don’t underestimate your children. They have already been subjected to a lot. Perhaps if they knew they have a chance at some sort of stabile life they would be celebrating and feeling free of the stress that they have had to endure because of their father.
If they should somehow find out about your friend in a derogatory way, you can tell them the truth and I would bet that they would understand considering their father’s selfish and hurtful behavior.
If your children knew that this man wants to take care of them and provide a home for them, I don’t think you will have much to worry about at all. He did not cause this divorce. Their father is responsible for his own destructive actions that have resulted in this situation.
God bless you, and know that we have a very compassionate and merciful God. Spend some quiet time carefully reading from the book of Proverbs. Pray fervently and ask the Lord to strengthen and guide you.
Now do what you have to do and the Lord will give you the peace you so desperately need.
“The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble” (Psalm 9:9).
In God’s love,
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand’” (Isaiah 41:10).
June 15, 2015
I am about to start my sophomore year of college. I am working a new job to help pay for school and prepare for the coming school year. I would like to start a Bible study for some of my classmates. My pastor back home gave me some ideas but after reading your great column for some time now I thought you might have some suggestions on what to include or anything else that would be helpful.
I love the Lord very much and have been saved since I turned thirteen. I don’t come from a Christian family but my parents are okay with my faith. I feel it is important to share the gospel with others as Jesus said we should, and also to study the Bible a lot. I think by starting a Bible study with others who are interested would be a good way to serve the Lord.
I would appreciate any suggestions you might have.
Thanks very much!
You sound like a very industrious outstanding young man. It is wonderful that you want to start a Bible study. I do have some suggestions for you.
Every Christian should learn how to lead a Bible study. If the Lord tarries, one day you might become a father. It is very important that Christian fathers know how to teach the Scriptures to their families because they are commanded to do so (Deuteronomy 4:9; 6:6-7; 11:18-19; 32:46; Psalm 78:3, 5; Proverbs 1.8; 2:1; 3:1; 4:1; 6:20). By starting a Bible study not only will you be doing something important for the time being, but you will be preparing for your future, too. Christian mothers should also teach the Scriptures to their children (Proverbs 1:8; 6:20; 31:26).
To lead a Bible study one must first know the Bible. It is not necessary to know the Bible from cover-to-cover, but it is a goal that everyone should have who seeks to teach Scripture. It is best to teach through the Bible book-by-book. You do not necessarily have to start with Genesis and work your way to Revelation.
Choose a book to teach through and master that book. It is best to start with a book that you are familiar with. If you have limited knowledge of the Bible start with the general epistles (James through Jude). Begin with James by reading the entire book for several days. Pray for wisdom as you read through it (James 1:5).
Next write out a teaching outline. Write out discussion/study questions to give to your students. Memorize the key verses in the book. Spend as much time as possible meditating on that book. Continue reading the book once a day until you finish teaching it.
Do not think you must stick to your outline point-by-point as you teach. If the Holy Spirit leads you to teach on something that is not in your outline be sure to do it. If your class wants to focus on something that is not in your outline do so unless it is totally unrelated to the passage and you believe it would be a distraction.
As you study the Bible always keep the Golden Rule of Interpretation in mind:
When the plain sense of Scripture makes common sense, seek no other sense; therefore, take every word at its primary, ordinary, usual, literal meaning unless the facts of the immediate content, studied in the light of related passages and axiomatic and fundamental truths, indicates clearly otherwise.
1. Determine who the message is being given to and why.
2. Determine if the message is to be understood as being literal or
symbolic; using the Golden Rule of Interpretation.
3. Determine the context (what is the subject).
4. Determine the dispensation and if the message is for us today.
5. Find as many passages dealing with the subject as you can.
6. Put together the message of all the passages to determine what is being said.
7. Give clear statements far more importance than unclear statements.
Base the message of an unclear statement on a clear one.
Before each Bible study pray by yourself for wisdom as you teach. Also pray that the Holy Spirit will give you and those in the Bible study wisdom. If one or more people in your study want to pray with you before the study, that is a good way to get started.
Before you begin to teach have a time of prayer with everyone in the study. Let some or all of the participants pray with the group. Pray as much as possible, for the prayer of the upright is His delight (Proverbs 15:8), and He hears the prayer of the righteous (Proverbs 15:29).
Encourage the students to pray short prayers. If someone prays for several minutes speak with him/her afterward and explain that in group prayer time it is best to offer short prayers. Set an example by your prayers.
Sometimes you can give the students discussion questions before you begin leading the Bible study. Ask them to write out answers to the questions before the lesson even if they don’t know all the answers. Read the verses or let the students read the verses that you plan to teach on.
Then ask them what their answers are for each discussion question. If they answer them correctly congratulate them. If they answer the question incorrectly give them the correct answer and explain the passage as much as is needed.
If they answer the question correctly you can explain the passage in more detail using cross references. Rather than spoon feeding your students the answers and lecturing them, motivate them to seek out the answers for themselves. Encourage them to study more, and emphasize the fact that a true disciple thirsts and hungers for God (Psalm 42:2; 63:1); for truth (John 17:17) and for righteousness (Matthew 5:6) each and every day of his or her life.
Also explain that as one grows in knowledge and understanding of the Word, one’s hunger and thirst for greater knowledge, understanding and wisdom grows. If you do not display a hunger and thirst for the Word in your life and in your teaching, your students will not develop a true hunger and thirst for truth.
Remember to explain that when one has an overpowering hunger and thirst for God, for His righteousness and the truth, it is important to study the Bible (John 7:37; 6:48). All of our spiritual knowledge, understanding and wisdom come from the Bible. It should be our primary source of spiritual food.
It is good to read books about the Bible and transcribed sermons by men who knew the Word and lived it. Some of the best heroes of the faith to study under are: John Wycliffe (1320s-1384), John Hus (1372-1415), Martin Luther (1483-1546), Huldrych Zwingli (1484-1531), William Tyndale (1494-1536), John Calvin (1509-1564), John Knox (1510-72), William Gurnall (1617-1679), John Bunyan (1628-1688), Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758), George Whitefield (1704-1770), Martyn Lloyd-Jones (1899-1981) and Miles Stanford (1914-1999).
Always keep in mind that when you answer a question from a student do not try to come up with a clever analogy. Rely on Scripture. Quote the Bible or turn to the appropriate passage and read it. Let God answer the question instead of you. It is the infallible, Holy Word of God that convicts people of their sins (Hebrews 4:12), produces faith in them (Romans 10:17) and gives them understanding and wisdom (James 1:5). Let God do the talking.
Most men who seek the office of pastor (1 Timothy 3:1) think it is necessary to graduate from seminary to be fully equipped. That is not true. All seminaries emphasize the study of commentaries and books by men they consider to be faithful to Scripture.
It is best to emphasize the study of the Holy Scriptures and avoid excessive use of commentaries and books; they will only cause confusion because we cannot be sure how the author gained his or her knowledge. Too many “teachers” or commentators simply repeat something they heard and never bother to fully study the Scriptures. But be sure to use Bible dictionaries and concordances. (I will leave you some resources below.)
The best way for a man to be properly equipped to be a pastor or Bible teacher is through daily reading, study, memorization and meditation of Scripture with intense prayer. It is the Word of God that prepares a man to be an under-shepherd of Jesus, not the study of denominational doctrines, commentaries and books.
Phil, if you follow these basic principles you will do well with your group. Please let me know how you are progressing once you are up and running for a while. More young men should be like you. You are setting an excellent example for others by taking your walk with God to others and not getting swayed aside by the secular entrapments that are so prevalent in colleges today.
God bless you and protect you as you move forward to serve Him in this very productive way.
In God’s love,
“Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling accurately the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15).
Here are some good resources for you to assist with your Bible studies:
http://www.blueletterbible.org - An excellent resource for online Bible study.
http://asv1901.com/ - A full online presentation of the excellent and reliable 1901 Standard American Version of the Bible.
http://www.biblegateway.com/ - An exceptional site for looking up Scripture, all popular Bible versions are included as well as passage translations in a number of foreign languages.
http://www.e-sword.net/ - A fast and effective way to study the Bible online.
http://www.bible-history.com/ - Bible Maps, Study Tools, Archeology, Ancient documents and much more.
http://www.biblestudytools.com/concordances/strongs-exhaustive-concordance/-Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance Online.
When I don’t use a computer to assist with my Bible studies, I like to use the items listed below when I need to look up something:
The Strongest Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible - James Strong LL.D., S.T.D., S.T.D. Fully Revised and Corrected by John R. Kohlenberger III and James A. Swanson
Thayer’s Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament - Joseph Thayer
Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew and English Lexicon - Francis Brown
An Intermediate Greek-English Lexicon - Liddell and Scott
Exegetical Fallacies - D.A. Carson
A Greek Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature : Bauer, Arndt, Gingrich and Danker
Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament Based on Semantic Domains - Louw and Nida
Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary, 2003 Edition
Lexical Semantics of the Greek New Testament, Louw and Nida
Semantics of New Testament Greek, J.P. Louw
Bible Study instruction and Resource list extracted from, A Better World Is Coming Soon - Don’t Miss It, pp. 386-387, Kit R. Olsen, World Bible Society 2013.
June 8, 2015
I’ve been a born-again Christian for several years now. I’ve read my Bible 14 times cover to cover and I study God’s Word as much as possible every day (I know the Word of God and believe the truth with ALL my heart). I research Jesus on the Internet to gain as much knowledge as possible. I pray and talk to Jesus constantly all day and night...I’ve become obsessed.
My family and friends have noticed a huge change in me and they think I’ve gone off the deep end with my faith...They’ve gone as far as to make fun of me (as if it’s all make believe). Why do people react this way? Jesus is real! the Bible is the real Word of God! Yet people shut down when His Name is mentioned. I can never talk to them about the Rapture because they don’t understand or believe it’s going to happen someday. I feel alone in my faith (with a few exceptions).
I’ve become so involved with reading that it has affected my everyday life. So I decided to read only a couple hours on the weekends. I know I’m saved from the moment I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and acknowledged that I am a sinner in need of a Savior (I have no doubts). I needed Him more than ever at that time and now as well.
My life was pretty much all in order and lived fairly comfortably, even though I’m divorced. But ever since I accepted Jesus, I’ve lost my job a couple times, my income has been cut, I lost my home, savings and retirement is down to almost nothing. My father, brother and several close friends have passed away within a couple years (very unexpected). I trust God is in control, but my life has spiraled. I wonder sometimes where is He? I know we suffer here on earth. To me it seems life is not that fun or exciting anymore.
I love Jesus with all my heart, soul and mind. I have no plans on falling away. I read Rapture Ready faithfully and I look forward to your encouraging words. Your column is my first stop on the site.
My friends think I’m using my faith as a crutch to help relieve life’s pains. I don’t feel that way but I do feel more sad than I used to for whatever reason. My question is this: Why (after accepting Jesus into my life) has so much happened to me and my family? I know we suffer here on earth. Life feels different; more gloomy than not.
When I pray, I don’t feel like rejoicing anymore, I feel like crying. I’ve talked to others about this and they say sometimes they feel the same. Is this normal? Am I supposed to feel sad? Will God answer my deepest desires to be happy and make a difference to others? Will God restore my lot in life for the better? I was hoping you could give me some very welcoming words of encouragement.
No doubt you are committed to the Lord and love Him with all your heart. As far as those who make fun of your all-out commitment to the Lord or consider it a crutch, rest assured; that kind of response is a common reaction from the unsaved. (Sadly, they will live to regret it.) Remember, 1 Corinthians 2:14:” But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.”
Sometimes when we take a true leap of faith life can get worse before it gets better. Suddenly those we thought we could count on become negative forces in our lives because we are no longer living in the world the way they are. We receive Christ but others reject Him and therein lies the problem.
As believers we can sometimes be bombarded with one challenge after another with seemingly no end in sight. After we are saved and the Lord opens our eyes to the futility of this godless world, we must shift gears and understand we are here temporarily and that this is not our true home. Our perspective on this life has to really change in order to cope and deal with negative onslaughts that can come our way.
When we are seriously walking with the Lord as you are, we become much more aware of the frivolity of this life and the downright evil in this world. If we are serious about our faith the more aware we become of the sinister and dark forces, the more overwhelmed we can feel if we are not looking at the entire picture from an eternal perspective.
The sadness you mention relates to what I just described. It also doesn’t help being mocked by friends and family for our faith; of course that makes us sad. When we see the filth and depravity of mankind in this fallen world we also feel sadness. When we are in the midst of one of life’s storms and no longer feel joyful and our hope is challenged, it hurts so much. But that is the time to take life one moment at a time and continue giving all our concerns to the Lord.
We cannot always understand why life around us seems to be falling apart but we can be sure that God is working things together for our good (Romans 8:28). We must not allow doubt and the devil’s assaults to take away our joy. We must believe in God’s promises, for He is faithful.
When we have an eternal perspective and know that we are covered by Christ’s blood sacrifice and pray with complete faith knowing that our great and mighty Creator is working on our behalf (regardless of the outward circumstances), things will get better. We serve a God of restoration and hope. Surely His goodness and mercy will follow us all the days of our lives (Psalm 23:6).
Paul, you know the Bible tells us that the devil is “the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience” (Ephesians 2:2b). He roams the earth like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour (1 Peter 5:8). But the believer can count on the Lord and not allow the enemy to take away God’s promises:
“The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3:8b).
You must hold on to your faith knowing the truth and reject the lies of the devil who works to destroy us and incapacitate us:
“We [believers] know that we are of God, and the whole world lies under the sway of the wicked one And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us an understanding, that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God and eternal life” (1 John 5:19-20).
Jesus cautioned us about Satan—the devil, to be aware of his absolute wickedness:
“He [the devil] was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature; for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44b).
And you know we are living in a spiritual battlefield and the enemy is very cunning and powerful. It is imperative to put on God’s spiritual armor every day. The devil would like the Lord’s faithful to believe God has abandoned us, but that is simply not true,
“Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles [schemes] of the devil. And take on the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God” (Ephesians 6:11, 17).
“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds” ( 2 Corinthians 10:3, 4).
Consider that Satan tried to overthrow God’s throne. He became his own god, worshipping himself rather than the true God of the universe. God’s response was to cast him from heaven down to earth. Ever since that time there has been an enormous struggle going on between good and evil, between God and Satan.
Arrogance, pride and brazen self-aggrandizing are all traits that took Satan out of God’s good graces. Satan took advantage of the power God initially gave him and used it against Him. Since then, the devil has stopped at nothing to try to usurp the King of the universe. He wants to destroy God’s creations (you and me), and cause havoc and heartache any way he can.
The devil, through the enticements of this world is trying to cleverly persuade everyone into thinking there is no need for the Savior. The devil only wants to hurt us, to rob us of our chance to have eternal freedom and life in Christ. He is playing a deadly game with a loaded gun aimed directly at each man, woman and child—never hesitating to pull the trigger.
Unless we are reconciled with Christ we are all in full firing-range of the devil and his loaded gun. When we choose salvation in Christ (as you have) the devil is disarmed and we are made permanently victorious—our eternal destiny is shielded from any bullets he fires. So remember that! You are victorious in Christ and you have succeeded in this life. Your salvation in Christ is your success.
“You are of God little children, and have overcome them [the devil and his influences] because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).
You could have huge sums of money and a smile on your face (as so many do) and be totally deceived into thinking the “fun” and social “pleasures” of this world are what life is all about. (That is until you take your last breath and your money is useless and you find yourself eternally separated from God.)
Jesus is our faithful Messiah. Only the Lord can make a way where there seems to be no way. Nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37). He will never forsake you or leave you. I can attest to that from personal experience many times over. God has intervened in my life many times but in His own good time and not mine. We must have patience and keep trusting that the Lord is working in our lives. Praise Him even when you are hurting. He understands suffering like no one else.
Sometimes God Almighty is molding us so we will gain more strength from Him; to become totally dependent on Him. And when the storm is behind us, we can without a doubt know that it was He who brought us through the rough terrain and opened up new avenues of living.
“And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:6).
Guarding against becoming an easy target for the spiritual attacks and chicanery of the devil is a necessity in this world. Any believer can be demonically attacked, especially when doing important work for the Lord. But when we arm ourselves with the Word of God and prayer, and have a genuinely strong relationship and commitment to the Lord, the devil will flee (James 4:7).
Although, as you are finding out, tough spiritual battles (tests) can happen even when we are strong believers with hearts faithfully focused on the Lord; especially when we are working to witness for Christ and expose the devil and his wicked schemes. God will allow devoted believers to go through some harrowing trials to strengthen our faith, compelling us to place our complete trust in Him (James 1:2, 12).
When we are going through a dark valley it can seem harsh to read in Scripture that we should not be anxious about anything and that we should give thanks in ALL circumstances; but that is what we are admonished to do:
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
“Pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18).
Scripture also teaches that when we pray we must pray in faith:
“But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6).
Paul, your breakthrough and light at the end of the tunnel could come at any time. God has not abandoned you. Place your focus on the blessings you do have and remember that God’s grace is sufficient for every need.
“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed” (2 Corinthians 9:8).
God has a plan for your life and that plan is to serve Him. You know it is not about what we get from the Lord but what we give Him. In our faithfulness and giving, our own needs are met. Use your God-given gifts wisely. Don’t allow the naysayers to pull you down. Be positive and reject vain babblings that serve to undermine you.
Jesus lived a very simple life, yet in this world the mantra is: “The more stuff, the better.” That kind of thinking can ruin anyone. Believe and know that your life is in God’s hands. Continue to be faithful and believe Him when he says:
“’For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Paul, when doubts and negative thoughts creep into your mind, you must reject them. Replace your thoughts with the glory of God and your life will get better. And resolve in your heart and mind to be of good cheer by concentrating on your victory in Christ. God has overcome the world! (John 16:33).
“A cheerful heart is a good medicine; but a broken spirit drieth up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22).
It would be good to listen to some traditional hymns and fill your mind with God-honoring music. The hymns will lift your spirits and help you choose joy, despite your circumstances. And be sure to continue reading from your Bible every day. Psalm 91 is a great passage to study often. The Word of God is very powerful. It provides sustenance for our weary souls and draws us closer to the Lord’s comforting presence.
“For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).
God bless you and strengthen you, Paul. And be encouraged knowing that one day soon all the heartaches of this life will vanish and we will be with the Lord forever and ever. (Even so come Lord Jesus.)
Let Jesus be your happiness, Paul. Trust that He is working on your behalf to strengthen you; to refine and mold you into being the best you can be for Him. He loves you so very much and He is with you.
“In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will” (Ephesians 1:11).
June 1, 2015
I’ve always been blessed and thankful to our Heavenly Father. I have an excellent job that I work very hard at. I have family, friends, and good health and have so much to be thankful for. My company last year announced a massive reduction in force to happen this February 2013. When they announced this I started thinking of opening my own business.
I prayed night after night that I would be part of the reduction and would receive a modest severance to start my own business in which I would work “normal” hours. To my dismay in February, every one of my co-workers in three departments were let go except me, and I also received a promotion last week.
The company plans to bring in contractors for all my co-workers who were let go. I know I should again be thankful, but I’m having a terrible time with it for different reasons. First, I work long hours at the job, and I had wanted more time to spend with my family and friends, and to go back to church. Two, I now have survivor guilt. And three, with the promotion I will now be working even longer hours. My Mom (64) told me God has a reason for everything and a plan.
My question is, how do I listen better spiritually to know whether I should trust God that I should open my own business anyway (take out a loan) and that it will succeed, and that I’ll still be able to pay my bills? Or do I continue working long hours as much as 90 hours a week (including weekends) with no time for family, friends and church?
I’m just so very confused because I don’t understand the plan God has for me. I have prayed and prayed I would have more time to go back to church. And why was I the only person that was not laid off. I’m so tired of the long hours. Just so very confused. Are there certain Bible Scriptures I could read that would help me, and bring me comfort?
When I was younger I used to go to church all the time, but the last 35 plus years my life has been devoted to my career and nothing else. I can feel our time is short, and I want to get closer to the Lord again. However with the long hours and stress I don’t even have time for myself.
I thank you kindly, and God bless you.
When I first read through your letter all I could think of is this: “It’s time for this precious lady to make some serious choices and decide if she is going to put God first in her life or keep working herself into oblivion.”
What is the point of continuing, as you are when it is clearly causing you severe anguish?
It sounds like you sincerely want to make a change in your life but are so involved in your current lifestyle that you cannot see clearly how to take the steps you need to make positive changes; changes that will give you the peace and harmony that you need in your life. Starting your own business doesn’t necessarily mean you will have to work fewer hours.
With any business unexpected things can come up, and it will be you who will have to hold things together. And we can’t be sure how the business will do and if you will be able to pay your bills. But many small businesses have succeeded and yours can too, but what you must be careful of is that you are not walking away from one overly taxing situation into another.
Not all promotions and things that seem favorable to us are always from the Lord. Especially when we are not in strong communication with Him. I could list a number of things that from the outside looking in could appear to be a blessing when in fact they are just deceptive ways for the enemy to take up our time and keep us from having a real relationship with God.
Some who are into New Age philosophers would probably say, “See how only you were left at the job. It’s meant to be!” But the reality is, you are seriously stressed. You are grateful and thankful for your “blessings” but nevertheless out of balance and unable to enjoy your life, despite the success of your career.
I have thought carefully and prayed about your situation for some time now, since I received your letter. You wrote that you “prayed night after night” to be part of the reduction, etc., yet your job has survived and now the company wants even more of you.
In a down economy that is very impressive (by the world’s standards). You also wrote, “When I was younger I used to go to church all the time, but the last 35 plus years my life has been devoted to my career and nothing else.” The “nothing else” is the scary part.
Thirty-five years is a long time. When we are so busy that we can barely have a consistent abiding relationship with the Lord, and totally consumed with a career as you are, then we have fallen short (sinned against God). We all sin against God, and we all do this in different ways. But a time comes when we must choose between the ways of the Lord or the ways of the world. Your time has come.
You are confused because you are not in step with the Lord. All of this reminds me of the lyrics from an old Jackson Browne song, “Running on Empty.” Even the words of a popular secular song can be used to show how we are empty without the Lord first in our lives, although of course that was not the songwriter’s intent. What he didn’t get is that he was running on empty because he was lost without God in his life.
“Running on-running on empty, running on-running blind. Running on running into the sun. But I'm running behind.”
You also wrote, “I am so tired of the long hours.” Trudy, you are a slave to your job. Can you somehow modify your lifestyle so you don’t need to work so many hours? Can you find a way to make a plan to walk away from your job within a specified period of time while you ask the Lord in every moment that you can grab—to truly guide you? If you start your own business there are no guarantees but considering the alternative it might be a viable option for you.
But first you must sincerely repent and have a change of heart. Examine yourself and ask yourself if the money and worldly success are driving you. If you died tomorrow what could you show the Lord, what have you done for Him with all the gifts that He has blessed you with? Will he show you wood, hay and stubble when you face him at the Bema seat? Or will you have given your time and talents to the Lord’s work?
It might sound like I am being a little rough on you but I am very concerned for you. Trudy, all that really matters in this life is what we do for the Lord. But the world feeds us the lie that we have to go out and spread our wings for self-fulfillment. It is so easy to go astray and get caught-up in striving but never arriving. We are bombarded with one seductive emotional, psychological and material “goodie” after another.
It is great that you want to go back to church but I am more concerned that you immediately find a way to have regular quiet time to spend with the Lord so you can be at peace and actually hear the direction that He wants you to take. Many people make the mistake of putting God into a box. He is over there, while we are over here doing our own thing. For some there is church time and then there is “my” time. That is a mistake. Our entire lives should be God’s time.
If we are truly born-again and saved, the Holy Spirit dwells within us. It is when we meld together with the Lord by having a real, consistent, personal relationship with Him that we can best be led by the Holy Spirit. When we can reach that point of closeness with the Lord, daily decisions flow with an intrinsic awareness, which only He can give us. Our lifestyle choices will reflect our devotion to Him, with an awareness of serving Him in all we do.
Perhaps you could ask your closest friends and family to meet with you once a week or at least every other week in a relaxed setting to pray together, study the Bible together and make it a real time of fellowship focused on the Lord Jesus. Fill your heart and mind with the Lord. You must make the time, somehow.
From my personal observation I have seen people grow in the Lord in much more effective ways when they are part of a small group, a home “church” rather than sitting once a week in the midst of acquaintances in a church building. Take your Bible with you when you leave the house and find some moments to read from it. I never go anywhere without my Bible. You never know when you might have a few spare minutes to read and study.
I used to go to a very popular church in my neighborhood. I met a lot of nice women there. But I was shocked to notice that none of them had their Bibles marked up from personal study. In fact the pages all looked brand new, barely touched. They went to church several times a week and were involved in various church ministries, but most of them did not really know the Word of God in an intimate way—except a little bit from the sermons they sat and listened to. They always relied upon others to feed them rather than taking self-responsibility as the Lord asks us to:
“These were more fair-minded than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness, and searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so” (Acts 17:11).
“Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15).
So rather than worry about going to church, find ways from the moments that you do have to communicate with the Lord through prayer, and really get serious about having an ongoing personal relationship with Him. Being a Christian is not about church, it is about having an authentic born-again personal relationship with the Lord. You could even listen to the audio Bible on your way to and from work.
Consistent, personal Bible study is mandatory if we want to grow in the Lord. When you do this, little by little you will begin to have a clearer sense of direction and sense of God’s true purpose for your life. You have spent most of your life putting your career first. Please spend the rest of your life putting the Lord first in an authentic way.
There are plenty of carnal Christians. I think you want to be a genuine Christian. It sounds like you are ready to get serious. Believe me, when the reality of eternity sinks in, when you are face to face with our Savior, the One who died for you, you will not be thinking about your job, you will be wishing you had done everything possible that is pleasing to Him.
It is not too late, but don’t wait another day to make amends with the Lord and ask Him to renew your life in a way that is centered around, Him and His will for your life.
Some comforting Scriptures you can read are Psalm 23; Deuteronomy 32:10-12; Psalm 103:8-18; Psalm 91:1-2; Psalm 139:9-10; Psalm 55:22; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.
Please keep in touch with me, and please don’t make any hasty decisions. Think of this time as a time to renew your faith and walk in faith, which I hope it will be. The Lord will guide you and give you the answers you need but you must make a change in your approach to Him. Research the pragmatic possibilities of starting your own business but the Lord must come first in the entire scope of your life.
I would also encourage you to consider thinking about looking for another job with a different company where your talents and skills are needed but with fewer hours and less demands. You might not make as much money, but you would be free of your current situation which is clearly taking too much out of you.
You sound very competent to take on a new challenge and considering your situation at your current job, having your own business might be the best option for you. And at least look into what other jobs are out there that would not take up all of your time and energy. But those are options only you can decide with the Lord’s leading once you are more grounded in Him.
When we make serious, positive changes in our lives, we usually have to go through some hurdles, but when it is all said and done, a greater peace will take over. Don’t look back and don’t beat yourself up over past decisions. Instead, walk forward now with Jesus at the helm. Tomorrow is promised to no one. It is today that we have to make count for the Lord. Trust Him completely and give your all to Him.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified” (Romans 8: 28-30).
In God’s love with all sincerity,
“Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:2).
May 25, 2015
Hello and may God bless you, Esther!
I have been saved since 2004. I have had many struggles with sin but I can say for the first time in life I finally feel free. Praise God!
The Lord kept taking me to the prodigal son Scripture in Luke. I believe he was trying to tell me something. And after taking me there on a number of occasions I finally said enough is enough! I want all the Lord has for me.
I am still, though, going through a really difficult season in my life right now, however. My question, is it wrong to ask God, why? My heart is breaking and I keep wondering how much longer can I endure this trial.
I look forward to your reply.
I am happy to hear from you. No, it is not wrong to ask God, why. But I can tell you that the choices we make have a lingering effect on our lives and it takes time to get past the “clean-up” stage from all we have reaped and sown. But if you are now truly repentant and have surrendered your life to Almighty God, then you will see some light at the end of a dark tunnel. Never lose hope; and trust the Lord with all your heart.
Be sure you spend time with some other kind and faithful Christians who will encourage you. As long as we are still breathing it is never too late to live right for the Lord. But when we are coming out of a season of rebellion we must be mindful that it will take time to gain our grounding in the Lord. Be patient with yourself and run as fast as you can from situations that would cause you to drift away from God’s ways and His blessings.
It is during times of testing and trials that we often grow most in the Lord. Now that you are back to serving Him you can more fully appreciate His goodness and His overwhelming love for you. Vow to yourself and to the Lord that never, ever again will you stray from Him. Simplify your life so you are not pulled in too many directions. Keep you living space clear of clutter which in turn helps keep your mind clear of cluttering thoughts.
Be sure to find a way to get into a quiet space and commune with the Lord. Cry out to your Heavenly Father—Abba, Daddy in Hebrew. He will comfort you in ways no one else can. Develop a deep sense of devotion and appreciation for His Son, for the One who died for you so you could be set free from the bondage of this world.
How blessed we are to receive the benefits of the incredible sacrifice and grace of our merciful Lord—who so willingly received the most torturous beatings and rejections so we can live.
Keep your focus on the Lord Jesus and stay away from the cheap thrills of this world. You know that Scripture teaches that we should be in the world but not of the world. Armor yourself each day with God’s Word and be very aware that the devil is prowling around looking for those whom he can devour (1 Peter 5:8). Don’t give him an opening.
It is difficult to even turn on the TV these days without being assaulted by some sort of demoralizing message. It is as if the entire world is going mad. But the Lord forewarned in Scripture that perilous times would come:
“But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!” (2 Timothy 3:1-5).
John, please be encouraged. God loves you so very much. When the trials seem like they will never end, when our hearts are breaking and no one seems to care, that is when you can be especially assured that you have a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Jesus will never leave you or forsake you. Give your heartache to Him. Ask Him to strengthen you like never before and to pull you out of whatever it is that is causing you so much pain.
Sometimes when I think of what the disciples endured, it is hard to comprehend. No two hurts are the same and each of us responds differently to trials and disappointments. But the one steady thing all true born-again believers have is God’s promise. The promise of eternal life free of the misery and the shocking behavior of individuals who might as well be Satan’s recruited representatives.
As long as we are alive and living in this world we will have challenges.
[Jesus said,] “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
So we all know that this life presents us with one hurdle after another but the part to key in and focus on is the second part of the Scripture: “Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
We have to pull ourselves out from the intensity of the insanity going on around us and hone in on Jesus—our Blessed Hope, and never forget His many promises. He has already freed us from the clutches of the devil; but that slithery snake, the father of lies, is busy trying to make our lives miserable and convince us that life is nothing but hardships and suffering (John 8:44).
But hold on, John. As a born-again believer in Christ you are a new creation. You do not have to buy into the despair that Satan loves to dish out. He of course uses weak-willed people and various situations to discourage us but he cannot separate you from the One who has given you new life.
In order to get through whatever it is that is so tough right now, it is imperative that you get into a quiet place and use every moment you have to strengthen your faith and your walk with the Lord. You can do this by immersing yourself in His Word; not only by reading it but by internalizing it in a way that you are strengthened to the point where the Scriptures become a part of you. When you do this, the trials in your life will not have as much of a discouraging impact on you.
I am not saying all your problems will go away but you will be able to get past them and still come from a place of joy. The devil wants to rob you of your joy (John 10:10). But remember and say this verse to yourself often throughout each day:
“You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world’ (1 John 4:4).
We cannot change other people, we cannot always change our circumstances but we can go to the One who is steady and lean on Him. And I guarantee you, if you do this faithfully, your load will lighten up. You will be able to look back one day and say, “I am glad I had that trial. I am so much stronger now and so much closer to the Lord; thank you Jesus.”
Consider what Christ endured for us. He suffered in an unfathomable way like no one else, ever. So many suffer in various ways. None of it makes sense, yet that is how it is. We live in a fallen world and until the Lord returns people will suffer and go through trials. We must trust the Lord that whatever we are dealing with is for a reason.
The goodness and favor of God will be yours as long as you are dedicated to our blessed Savior, sincere in your faith and not living some sort to double life where you present yourself as a devoted Christian but behind closed doors are a hypocritical phony committing atrocities. At the moment you might not feel like He is always with you, but He is.
“The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:8).
Our walk with the Lord must be authentic, and surely He will balance the scales and lift our burdens even when there seems to be no way out. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). And by the way, the good Lord has a way of turning those desires into something a bit different than what you might have had in mind in the first place: He will steer you toward a way of life that is best for you and in keeping with His Scriptures.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Whatever is troubling you, let it all go and give it all to Him. You are bought and paid for. Christ paid the ultimate price for you. Your thinking can reflect gratitude for all He has done for you even in the midst of hardships. Things will get better. Don’t give up. Lean on Him and you will be get through your trial.
So John, as I said before, there is nothing wrong with asking God, why. But instead I suggest you don’t spend too much time trying to figure out why, and put one foot in front of the other, put on your armor—the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:11).We are living in a massive war zone; a spiritual battlefield that is sometimes very subtle and also very brutal, upfront and personal.
God has given us the ammunition we need to deal with the trials of life. Go to His Word and saturate yourself with it; you will get through this challenging time. And remember that this life is truly only a vapor when we consider eternity (James 4:14).
“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).
Please keep in touch with me John, and let me know how you are doing. We serve the great God of mercy and grace. Lean on Him and believe what He says:
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
May God bless you and strengthen you.
“For with God nothing will be impossible” (Luke 1:37).
First, I would like to thank you for taking the time to run your advice column on Rapture Ready! Your answers are always so edifying and full of wisdom. I’m an eighteen-year old guy heading off to university this fall, and I’m excited to finally be able to strike out on my own. I’d also like to be married some day, but it will definitely be a few years before I’m ready.
With the Rapture looking more imminent than ever, I was struck by the fact that I probably won’t ever meet that special someone. Older male mentors say that if I want to experience marriage I’ll have to make it happen here, because it just won’t happen in heaven. Of course that’s backed with Scripture but I just can’t shake the feeling of disappointment.
They bring up the fact that believers that are anticipating Christ’s return will receive a crown, but it seems like if I do that I pretty much have to give up on my dream. It’s easy for the older guys to dismiss me and my concerns—they’ve already lived their lives and done all there is to do.
I definitely don’t want to put anything in this world over being with Christ, but it’s just so hard to let go. How can I look forward to the Rapture AND getting, married? Do I have to choose? Thank you very much for taking the time to read my question, and God bless you.
I am glad you wrote. Thank you for your kind words. I am blessed to know that a fine young man like you is reading my column. With all due respect to those older gentleman who are mentoring you, I agree that perhaps they are coming from a place that is well-intentioned but somewhat limited in perspective.
You don’t have to make your dream happen. If you are truly walking with the Lord, He will make it happen. I have good news for you, Peter. If God has a wife in mind for you, you will get married before the Rapture. As long as you are taking steps to be productive, the Lord will open the doors that He intends for your life. He knows what is best for us.
“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass” (Psalm 37:4-5).
We don’t know when the Rapture will happen. Although many signs show that the time of the Rapture is drawing near. I can remember people saying 15-20 years ago that the Rapture was about to happen. I have an older friend who told me about how he bought into everything in Hal Lindsey’s book, The Late Great Planet Earth -- thinking that the Rapture would happen in 1981; long before you were born, Peter.
I have not read the book but from what I understand, although Lindsey did not actually claim to know the dates of future events with any certainty, he suggested that Matthew 24:32-34 indicated that Jesus’ return might be within “one generation” of the rebirth of the state of Israel (1948).
Hal Lindsey interpreted that Scripture to mean that one generation is forty years (all of which is pure speculation). I think Psalm 90 gives a better and more accurate perspective of what a generation is (70-80 years). He had the part about Israel right but not the lifespan years that define one generation.
Some trusting readers of Hal Lindsay’s book took his suggestions as a sign that the Tribulation or the Rapture would occur no later than 1988. Then in his 1980 work, The 1980s: Countdown to Armageddon, Lindsey predicted that “the decade of the 1980s could very well be the last decade of history as we know it” (more speculation that has proven to be false). And we are all still here in 2015.
My friend believed what Lindsey suggested in his first book, and according to him, many of his friends did as well. They avoided getting married and made decisions about their lives based on the author’s projections, and now decades later they regret having made decisions based on the failed summations of the popular author.
So with that said, although the Rapture is definitely drawing near, perhaps very near, we cannot be sure when it will happen. The best thing to do while we are waiting is to help bring others to salvation in Christ (while there is still time), and continue to live responsible lives preparing for the future—as you are, by pursuing an education.
Live your life to the fullest but be absolutely sure it is Christ-centered. Believe me, when God brings the right girl into your life the relationship will be blessed. Rushing into a situation to beat the Rapture countdown clock would be a terrible mistake and it sounds like you are well aware of that. When the Lord brings two people together everything will flow -- as long as He is the center of the relationship.
You will meet a lot of pretty girls in college but not all of them will be committed to Christ; only a girl who is truly born-again in Christ should be a possible future wife otherwise you will have a very tough time. I receive so many letters from those who did not pay attention to 2 Corinthians 6:14 where the Lord instructs us not to be unequally yoked – and their marital problems are overwhelming and devastating.
It is wonderful that you want to be married and are working toward that end. Concentrate on your schoolwork and avoid hanging out with the liberals in college who are determined to radically change the thinking of good Christian students. Many once-dedicated Christians have fallen away from the faith in college because of the constant in-your-face liberal godless indoctrination.
College campuses are some of Satan’s greatest recruiting grounds for waywardness leading to an eternity of misery and hellfire. Armor yourself with God’s Word each day and seek out those who are truly committed to Christ.
Your future wife should be a good friend, first. You never know whom you might meet in college. A much older dear friend of mine, a brilliant scholar, met his wife at age seventeen in college while in the registration line at Bob Jones University. By age eighteen he was already pastoring a small church, married at age twenty, and working hard.
He also continued to pursue multiple doctorate degrees for over a decade. He and his wife were together in their early years and are still happily married serving the Lord together in mighty ways in their twilight years.
The best thing you can do is to trust the Lord completely for your future. It is fun to daydream about a hopeful special loved one, that’s fine. But when you keep your eyes focused on Jesus – everything that He has planned for your future will fall into place. Maybe sooner than you think.
Be industrious in finding ways to make money and learning new things in college that will make you self-sufficient economically and enable you to take on the responsibility of a wife and family. But always do it in a godly manner, never mind what the flavor of the month is with your peers who may not be walking closely with the Lord.
And if the Rapture does take place and you are unmarried, rest assured, at that point it will not matter to you. Nothing, not even a perfect earthy marriage can compare to the glory of the Living Christ. Our finite minds cannot comprehend the way we will be when we receive our new glorified bodies. Everything that seems so important to us now will not have the same emotional pull on us.
Peter, please be of good cheer. Enjoy your life, continue to grow in the Lord and make serving the Him your priority. Don’t worry about the Rapture. It is in God’s control. He created you for such a time as this. Everything will fall into place. Our heavenly Father delights in making His children happy. You sound like a very fine young man with a great future.
It is nice to have older friends as mentors but the best mentor is Jesus Himself. Continue to grow close to Him and He will guide you in all you do. It is not uncommon for Bible students to eventually outgrow their mentors. A time will come when you will seek the mentorship of men less, and God more.
The Christian church is in great need of strong, godly, balanced biblical leadership; teachers who have great discernment and are not preaching their personal philosophies, but rather properly interpreted Scriptures using correct hermeneutical principles. You sound like a young man who could lead others and do great things for the Lord.
You can look forward to both getting married and the Rapture. You really don’t have to choose. God already has a plan for you and you can be sure it is the right one. Detach yourself from the outcome; enjoy each day and do your best to serve Him wholeheartedly.
We should always place Christ first in our hearts, and then our lives will have a flow that moves us in the direction He knows is best for us. You can still long to be married and long for the Rapture. Whichever comes first will be God’s perfect plan. When you can look at it from that perspective you should have a lot more peace and joy about your situation.
You have much to look forward to. Enjoy these years and stay close to Jesus. God bless you and please let me know how you are doing every now and then.
In God’s love,
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).