I’m hoping you can give me guidance in a terrible situation. I was saved at age eleven. I am a conservative Christian woman, and my husband was saved at age 18. We are active members in an independent Baptist church. I have two sons, 21 and 18. My 21 year old came to us at 18 to tell us he was gay and semi-involved with another young man from a neighboring town.
At the time, I didn’t respond as I should have. I repented of this long ago, but cannot ever change what happened. When he came to us, I went into overprotective-mom mode and defended him. Not only did I tell him I loved him regardless, but that I wanted him to be happy, even if that meant with another man.
He came out on social media and in public with a lot of support from friends and others (as is usual in the world today). He was a member of the same church, and when he became actively involved in this lifestyle, church discipline was enacted and he was taken off the church’s roll.
It hurt him, and us. I was hurt because my child was hurt. It should have been me taking this stand, instead of trying to shelter my son. He became involved in a long-term relationship while in college, eventually living with another man. My husband has never changed his ideas on homosexuality. He has always believed it was wrong.
Deep in my heart, I’ve always known the same. We joined another church a couple of years ago, and I rededicated my life to the Lord in that time. He broke my heart over my behavior and I confessed to my son that I’ve been wrong. I told him I loved him no matter what, but I couldn’t accept what he was doing any longer.
I reassured him that he’d always be precious to me, and I want him to succeed. I tried to show him Scripture and pray with him, but it didn’t go over very well. We offered to get him counseling, which he refused. He adamantly maintained he was a Christian, and does to this day (he made a profession of faith at age 9). Shortly after this talk, he broke off his “relationship” and appeared to be attempting to change his path.
But today, he is nearly unrecognizable as a Christian. He supports all forms of lifestyles, applauds transgender people for being so brave, and liberal theology that says God made him gay. I pray for him constantly. His name is on my heart and mind at every hour of the day, and I beg Jesus to deliver him.
I know that if he indeed is saved, God won’t allow him to continue unconditionally. I know there will be consequences. This has driven a wedge between us that I don’t know how to bridge. My husband is out of ideas how to deal with this, too.
The guilt over the way I handled this eats at me. I know Satan uses our past mistakes to attack and keep us weak. I try to remember that ploy when I’m reminded of that time. Did I do irreversible damage? I’m desperate for guidance, opinions, prayers, help of any kind. I want to see my son in heaven! The thought of him going to hell tortures me.
A Desperate Mom
Dear Desperate Mom,
You did the best you could at the time, when your son first told you about himself. You must trust the Lord completely. We always have hope in the Lord. You and your husband raised your son with godly principles and that is still all embedded in him; although it certainly does not appear that way right now. Nevertheless, he could still come back to the Lord:
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Your son has strayed in a great way but that does not mean he will not repent one day. Right now it might seem like the situation is impossible, but God will not take His hand off your son. Keep praying for God’s intervention in this situation and that He will show your son the truth. Pray that the Lord will give your son wisdom and the spirit of discernment.
Overall, you have handled the entire situation very well, and from the loving heart of a mother. A mother’s natural tendency is to protect her children. As time went on you realized there are many different ways to protect your child. How we handle and respond to things can change as people and events change.
Please don’t beat yourself up. Keep praying for him. Pray believing a solution will come and that your son will repent. Your best weapon against the situation is abiding prayer (Fervent prayer and a lot of faith.) Sometimes when we try to verbally reason with others, it is ineffective. Many people do not want to acknowledge and accept what they are doing is wrong. Some people call this the “sin factor.”
Some people will not admit to their own obvious mistakes and try to turn things around and blame an injured party instead of admitting that they are wrong. They add insult to injury because they do not want to own up to their mistakes. Pride is a huge factor in this type of behavior. It is also the first sin; the sin that Lucifer committed against God when he rebelled against Him, when he said he would be like the “Most High (Isaiah 14:14).
Pride is a terrible problem in the world today. Rather than be honest, the blame is placed where it does not belong. It reminds me of what the socialist Democrats do. They always point the finger at someone or something else rather than take responsibility for their own failures.
Your son is not doing that to you from what I can tell in your letter, and hopefully others you interact with now don’t try to blame you. But the devil is pointing his dirty finger at you. You already know that to some degree; but he is a relentless foe! So I will remind you of this:
Whenever Satan tried to coerce Jesus into doing something, Jesus quoted Scripture and did not get into a dialogue with him. I urge you not to let that filthy fallen angel harass you and allow you to feel guilty. Quote Scripture out loud expressing God’s authority over that wretched creature.
“Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve’” (Matthew 4:10).
And remember this verse so you are sure of who you are in Christ:
“You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).
Sometimes we cannot bridge a gap, and we must love a person form a distance. At this point, with your son, perhaps the best thing you can do is continue to tell him you love him and that you will always be there for him, just as you have been doing. When we cannot get through to others through conversation it is especially then, that we must trust God completely to work in the situation in ways we cannot.
We cannot force people to see the truth but we always have great hope in Almighty God. You have done all you can to steer your son in the right direction. Your efforts are not lost. In time, a lot can change to awaken your son to his fallen condition and even bring him to repentance
Please stay involved with other like-minded believers. Pray together and spend time in fellowship strengthening and encouraging one another. God can use you to encourage others who are in difficult and painful situations. When we help others we take the focus of our own problems and show God’s love.
Anything is possible with God and your son is tremendously blessed to have you for his mother. Never underestimate the power of prayer and the love that flows from God’s heart. All is not lost; consider how many broken souls have come to Christ and repented from all kinds of god- less lifestyles. Although each situation is different, sinning against our holy God is always the common denominator.
“Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
Place your unwavering faith and trust in God’s mercy and grace. He wishes for no one to perish, including your son (2 Peter 3:9). He hears and answers the prayers of the righteous; He is near to his children. Stay close to Jesus and He will continue to carry your through this very difficult season of your life.
Continue to walk forward in faith. Never give-up on God’s tremendous mercy and power to change hearts and minds. Transformation of the heart and mind can come through the Holy Spirit. His ways are far beyond what we can comprehend. Your Heavenly Father (Abba-Daddy) is there for you and weeps with you. Go to Him again and again for comfort and strength.
And I will say it again, please stop beating yourself up. You did not cause this situation; this wicked world and the enormous pressures of social liberalism somehow seeped into your son’s life. But that does not mean he is without hope. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing every now and then, and I will be praying with you for your son.
God bless you and strengthen you,,
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry. The face of the LORD is against evildoers, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry, and the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:15-18).